The Bachelor Party
by Cremrock
Summary: This story centers around a bachelor party thrown in Elwyn's honor. When problems ensue, can the appearance of a few uninvited guests save the day, or doom it?
1. The Bachelor Party Chapter 1

The Bachelor Party

Chapter 1

A Tales of Phantasia Fanfiction By Cremrock

Disclaimer and Foreword: _I don't own the Tales series, nor do I own the characters, they're all copyright of Namco. Fortunately, I'm once again making zilch off of this; please don't sue me._

_To anyone who's read my previous chaptered works here on , (And noted the ungodly amount of time between the times I update), I can promise that this sucker is completely done, but there are still some finer details I would prefer to iron out of the latter two chapters and epilogue. I find that humor is usually better in smaller doses anyway._

_Finally, I'll mention the usual blurb about spoilers here; I would guess it isn't necessary and this story doesn't contain anything I'd say would be major, but you never know and it only takes a few seconds to type. ;) Enough of my wordiness; enjoy the story; and may it bringyoulaughter. (I hope!)_

_(Timeline wise, this story takes place in the 'past' portion of the adventure, immediately before the party intends to go to Thor.)_

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Cless Alvein was bored out of his mind. It wasn't that he minded taking a rest; the problem was that he had been idle for three days. It was a tough row to hoe for the young fighter, who had become accustomed to cutting down monsters, villains, and the occasional demonic tree. As a result, he found himself staring down at his broadsword for the tenth time that day, wondering what it was doing resting in its sheath, instead of resting in something's guts.

The sword wondered what Cless was doing resting in a Venezzian inn, and why it was resting in its sheath. Unlike Cless, it absolutely hated any kind of rest at all; but that was natural. Who wanted to be stuffed into a sheath all day? Normally it got to participate in a mutually beneficial relationship with its owner. Cless got to practice his skills and experience the satisfaction of a job well done; the sword got the satisfaction of doing the only job it could do and well, do well.

Mint Adnade was reflecting on a similar problem in the room next door. There weren't a whole lot of things she currently had to do other than be a healer, and usually that job entailed healing Cless. Nothing felt better to her in the world than easing the misery of others… but when monsters weren't on the road waylaying them, there wasn't a whole lot of misery to go around. She thought about it further for a moment, and then frowned. Did she want some misfortune to befall them, just so she would have something to do?

A crash came from the floor below theirs; which housed a watered-down type of tavern, and at the sound she firmly shook her head. It was better to have some peace and quiet for a change, and people were accident-prone… She'd have something to do at some point, and then she could feel as if she was performing in accordance to her calling.

Unlike Cless' sword, Cless, and Mint herself, Mint's staff was perfectly happy. Instead of being leaned on and occasionally used to poke nasty things, it was getting a relaxing rest against the bedpost. From its woody perspective, the bedpost was the cutest it had ever seen, and the two had hit it off readily. It leaned on the bedpost, and the bedpost supported it. It was a match made in heaven.

The staff's best friend (Mint's hat) was pissed, but not because Mint hardly ever took it off. The view from atop Mint's head was a welcome one, and though it understandably sucked to be keeping the rain, snow, and other assorted elements away all the time; the hat was as tolerant and placid as its owner, albeit a little more hormonal. The hat was pissed because it wanted to check out Klarth F Lester's hat, which it thought was sexy-looking in an exotic, hat sort of way. Unfortunately, the owner of the hat was out, and as a result, Mint's hat was alone on the inn's hat rack. The hat knew it was a rather stupid reason to be PO'ed, but it thought there might be some real chemistry going there.

There had been heavy storms Venezzia lately, and as a result Klarth was out checking the docks to see when they might be able to leave. (Though Cless had remarked that Klarth must have been up to something; for surely it didn't take an entire day to check the docks!) Mint and Cless hoped it would be soon. The hat didn't really care, but the staff never wanted to leave. And the sword? The sword just wanted to be placed in something's guts, or a solidly built practice dummy. It wasn't a picky sword, just a stubborn one. Having come from decent roots, it was resolved to follow its owner. Its mother was a hunk of iron, its father a smithy hammer. They'd done a fine job raising their boy.

All things considered, there was really only one object that had reason to be pissed there: The broom. The broom was the grumpiest member of the lot. Most objects would have been if they'd had to carry around a hyperactive young witch all day. The broom enjoyed a welcome break while its owner slept, but it knew that soon enough, Arche would awaken and the personal hell would begin again. After all, horses could gallop or enjoy grass, apples, and sugar, and boats didn't much care what they were doing, but how was a broom to recreate? By sweeping? Arche Klaine wasn't apt to do any sweeping anyway, unless it was via some kind of wind-inducing spell.

The broom was resolved in its fate, but it would show her. One of these days Arche's ass was going to be awfully sore, if the broom could just find a way to slide the saddle down the handle… But to the broom's distress the saddle proved uncooperative. It's hard to find a more comfortable place than when something is sitting on top of you. Naturally, it didn't want to move.

Arche was buried under three rows of blankets, numerous pillows, and whatever else she'd borrowed from the other beds, dreaming of handsome men, wine, magic, and whatever else hyperactive half-elven witches dreamed about.

Which meant that Arche was bugging the heck out of the normally tolerant Cless. It wasn't what she was dreaming about; Cless had no idea, and Arche probably didn't even know. It wasn't the fact she was asleep: Cless enjoyed plenty of that too. Normally, Cless was a rock. He resembled Mint; and if he had a problem with the way people acted, he usually didn't say it unless it shocked and appalled him. It wasn't Arche's lumbering snores either. Cless was used to a healthy amount of noise, though he and Mint were forced to acknowledge that Arche had a healthier set of lungs than her petite form would indicate.

The problem had to do with time, or rather, _the _time. As Cless strode into the central room with a grimace on his normally shining features, Mint had a pretty good idea what it was about. She regarded him with a smile, and a sympathetic nod, just the way she had the previous two days. Cless had been making this complaint every day they'd been stuck in Venezzia.

"Is she still asleep?" Mint asked, the grimace on Cless's face having already tipped her off to the answer.

"Yes… She's still out." He grumbled, rubbing a hand through his straight, orange-colored hair and pushing it out of his eyes. His headband had been washed, but hadn't dried yet.

Mint only smiled wider, trying to snap him out of his bad mood. Lately her disposition hadn't varied much from cheerful, hopeful, and sunny side-up. She was enjoying the break from having to watch everyone else kill things; those kobolds just seemed too cute!

"It's understandable since she's younger than us, Cless… she must be very tired."

It was a reach, and Mint knew it, but she was determined to play peacemaker; hating to see anyone fighting or discontent. Arche was only about a year younger than the two of them were, and Mint began to wonder if she should've played some sort of "Half-elves need more sleep" card. Shrugging it off (After all, she wasn't sure if that would be a lie or not), she decided to remain silent.

Cless's only response was to yawn, rock back in his chair, and stretch his upper body. At that, his eyes widened, and his face fell, and Mint knew another tirade, so normally unlike Cless, was coming.

"She's even making ME tired… it's not right, Mint, I tell you, it's just not right!"

"Cless…" Mint began, holding up a slender, gloved finger for emphasis, "We're not exactly doing anything right now … just sitting around waiting for the weather to clear… It doesn't hurt to get some rest now and again… If Arche wants to sleep in a bit, we have no reason not to let her…"

Mint elected not to point out that, as much as she liked the witch, it was a lot quieter with Arche asleep than with Arche up and about, though as Cless launched into another segment of his rant, Mint realized that it wasn't nearly as quiet as it could've been.

"A bit? A bit? It's 3 PM, Mint! Arche has been asleep for…" Cless paused and began counting on his fingers, the exasperation departing from his voice as he was suddenly set with a new task. Finding he'd run out of fingers, he propped his feet up on the table and began counting on his toes, rocking back even more. "…Eleven, twelve… thirteen… fourteen… fifteen…"

"Cless…" Mint murmured worriedly, noting how the chair the swordsman sat on teetered closer and closer to disaster.

Cless was so intent on his counting that he hardly noticed Mint's observation. Thinking quickly, Mint uncrossed her legs under the table in hopes of giving Cless more room to rock, thinking that If he was about to fall she might be able to get to her feet and catch him. Unfortunately, one of them accidentally struck the chair Cless was rocking on. "…Six-TEEN!" He shouted, before the chair crashed to the floor.

The din was heard from the floor below, amid a shout of warning from the innkeeper on the 1st floor. Mint ran over to him anyway, concern etching her smooth features. "Cless! Are you all right?"

There was an awkward pause, and then Cless smiled, even as Mint raised both eyebrows in concern, thinking he had a concussion. "I'm just fine, Mint… though my head hurts a little bit… I think I just made my wish come true." Mint was wondering what he meant, until she heard a commotion from the room's adjacent to the one they were in. At that, she sighed audibly, closing her eyes for the moment, reflecting on how the afternoon had been so quiet… until now.

The commotion came from Arche, who had unceremoniously been thrust out of the middle of a wonderful dream. She strode into the room with squinty daggers for eyes, her long pink hair even more frazzled than usual, for it had not yet been tied into its usual gnarled ponytail. Bright pink pajama pants embroidered with plush looking yellow stars adorned her legs, and a green wool blanket was around her thin shoulders like a cloak. She pulled up a chair and sat down at the table while trying to make as much noise as possible without speaking. With it obvious to Cless and Mint that she was conveying her discontent, they both thought the same thing: even the cheeriest member of their entourage had her "moments".

"Good morning…" Mint began, before grimacing in the remembrance of Cless's argument. "Er… good something, Arche!" She finished cheerfully, while Arche stared warily, bleary-eyed.

The half-elf glanced down at Cless and her features appeared to soften, if only for a second. "Is Cless all right?" She said, in a somewhat kinder voice that either of them had expected. Mint nodded in reply, and a frown reappeared on Arche's face, as if the witch had a switch that went from "Happy" to "Grumpy".

"Good. What's for breakfast?" She grumbled.

"Try lunch, or maybe even an early dinner." Cless retorted, as Mint helped him to his feet. Ever the diplomat, Mint didn't say a word, getting up and meandering over to the food sack, which had been placed in a corner of the room. She rifled through the contents, listing the contents as she viewed them, so that Arche could hear what was on the "menu".

"We have… Steak… Bread… more steak… more bread… some sirloin… more steak…" Mint pulled her head out of the sack, trying her best not to look cross, but looking that way anyway, her eyes narrowed in Cless's direction. Something was fishy, or rather cow-y, if cow-y were actually a descriptive word.

The swordsman had reset his chair and was trying very hard not to snicker at Arche's choice in pajamas. After all, he'd always worn the ones with the horseys. Surveying the contents of the sack again, to make sure she believed what she was seeing, her eyes returned to the table for a second time, focusing on Cless again. Arche caught the look and groaned, knowing what it meant. This wasn't the first time that this had happened to the party.

"Cless… Mint wants you." She thrust her index finger in Mint's direction, addressing Cless in a tone laced with venom.

Cless swiveled around, the thought of the contrasting styles of his and Arche's pajamas entirely off his mind. "Yes Mint?"

The tone of his voice was sweet, and it was clear Cless was unaware of the difficulty. Mint's heart melted, and it suddenly became impossible for her to be angry with Cless, at least over something as simple as mixing up a shopping expedition. But just the same, she had to make sure he knew what he'd done wrong…

"Cless… did you do the shopping yesterday?" Mint asked, doing her best to keep an edge out of her voice, trying to sound gentle.

"Yeah…" His voice went silent, confusion scribbled onto his youthful features.

Mint wanted to hug him like she would a 3-year old; while dutifully explaining to him that a balanced diet consisted of more than steak and bread. If they weren't so similar in age, he'd be the perfect little brother.

Arche wanted to hit him, as the daggers she had originally glared at Cless turned into large, jagged greatswords. She decided not to comment on the food choice; the better to avoid saying something she might regret. After all, there was that time she had filled the food sack… with nothing but butter and cupcakes.

"Steak and bread again, eh Mint? Perhaps I'll just go get something at the pub downstairs. It's not as if we're on the road or anything." The half-elf staggered to her feet and trotted towards the stairwell. Upon reaching them, she took a flying leap, deliberately bouncing down the steps with a series of Ba-BUMP's, until she was out of sight.

The Ba-BUMP's continued, and Mint had to thank the goddess that everyone in the inn was likely awake already. But she got the sense that something wasn't quite right, but Arche had already disappeared down the steps. Trying to recall the last glimpse she had of Arche, she realized that the blanket she'd worn as a cloak had billowed around her with each leap. Arche had that blanket wrapped loosely around herself, but had she been wearing anything underneath? It had been impossible to tell, as large as the blanket was and as skillfully as Arche wore it.

Ba-BUMP, Ba-BUMP, Ba-BUMP. The Inn had roughly twenty steps between floors. (Cless had counted.)

At a loss, and getting the same sense that trouble was up as Mint did, Cless went to Mint for clarification.

"Um… Mint… was Arche wearing a shirt underneath…"

Ba-BUMP. Ba-BUMP. THUD!

The thud had been accompanied by a peculiar sound, not unlike a piece of cloth catching onto an errant nail and being torn away. This sound was followed by a more familiar sound, as Arche's shrill scream reverberated up the steps.

"KYA!"

Cless had his answer, as noise erupted again from the tavern below, with words used to describe public indecency (albeit much raunchier words) standing out the most. And of course, with human nature being what it was, a sound much like a cheer came from some of the more rowdy patrons.

A second after the cheer, an entirely different series of bumps echoed from the steps, getting louder and louder instead of softer and softer, as the Ba-BUMPs had been, as if someone was sprinting up the stairs rather than hopping down them..

In a flash, those star covered pajamas were back in the room, but the blanket was gone, and the sneaky suspicion Mint and Cless had had was confirmed. Mint was about to lunge for Cless, intent on shielding his eyes, when she noticed that Cless had suddenly begun a meticulous observation of the floor. Her heart melted a little more than during her incident with the food sack then, for how many people in her time would have been as pure-hearted as to do that?

"Wake up, DRESS, then go out…" Arche mumbled sheepishly, her features tinged with embarrassment.

"Hmm. Hardwood floor. Did you notice, Mint?" Cless asked, his neck craned down towards the floor, his eyes not catching one bit of Arche.

"Yes Cless, it's lovely! Don't look up!" Mint commanded, before charging out of the room, intent on finding Arche something to wear. She figured the witch would have the same rules about modesty as she did, but as usual, she underestimated Arche. For Arche, inadvertently flashing the public was embarrassment. Goofing around with bashful friends was quite different, as the sounds of Mint rummaging through the dresser reached her sensitive ears. Noting she was alone with Cless, she smirked mischievously. Cless kept his eyes locked on the floor, almost as if he was bowing in submission to her. He wasn't, but he was too gold-hearted to peek, at least not on purpose.

Arche knew it. "Hey Cless! Look this way!" She grinned, raising her arms towards the ceiling, posing. "The… uh… ceiling's interesting too!"

"Can't… Did you know that this floor has approximately 12 oaken boards, running perpendicular to the door? It's amazing!"

"C'mon! I'm wearing something! Really!" Arche said, forsaking her pose and putting her hands on her hips, still determined to embarrass her friend. Cless kept his gaze on the floor, while Arche kept her back to the door. She hadn't bothered to shut it, not with the chance that Cless might look up and forsake his chance at embarrassment while her back was turned.

That was when Klarth F. Lester walked into the room; his eyes narrow pools of mystery… until he was faced with the completely bare back of the woman before him. Then they flew wide open, and all the questions he'd gathered from his walk through the tavern were right in front of him. He'd caught the words "naked woman" on his way up the stairs, and now understood why the lower floor had been in such fervor.

Arche hadn't even heard him come in, and Cless continued to look at the floor. Klarth's sense of self-preservation was high enough that he didn't want to be on the receiving end of an Indignation spell, so he grinned evilly and chose his plan B, putting his hands over Arche's eyes while screaming, "Guess who!" with the force he'd have used to summon Maxwell or Undine.

Arche's skin turned a peculiar shade of bright red, as she screamed and practically flew (a remarkable feat considering she didn't have her broom at hand) into the adjoining room. Unfortunately, Mint was just coming through the door with a shirt for Arche, and the two collided.

To Klarth's private dismay, Arche had somehow managed to snatch the shirt from Mint's grasp and pull it over herself, even as the two were crashing to the ground.

"So, THAT'S what half-elven reflexes are for!" Klarth exclaimed, reflecting on how it all made sense now. He surveyed the situation: Arche and Mint lying on the ground, dazed and in a heap, and Cless meticulously staring at the floorboards, as if admiring the detail. He glanced at Arche and Mint, pictured imaginary stars circling their dizzied heads (Which wasn't too far from the truth) and chuckled again. "You didn't even bother to guess, Arche Klaine!"

"Oooog…" Arche and Mint murmured in unison, and Klarth turned his attention to Cless, unable to resist the jovial urge that drove him.

"Busy afternoon?" He asked.

"You could say that…" Cless muttered. "What was the floor in your house made of, Klarth? Mahogany?" He still hadn't looked up.

"You can look up now, Cless." Klarth reminded him, rolling his eyes. "Seriously. A beautiful woman is standing bare to the waist in front of you, and you stare at the floor? What kind of self-respecting man are you?" He elbowed Cless lightly in the side. Arche had crawled away into the other room and Mint had risen to her feet, dusting herself off.

"The decent kind, Klarth." Mint murmured, too low for either of them to hear, though it was accompanied with as close to an angry look as Mint got. Klarth didn't mind the angry look, as he smiled back at her. It wasn't his intent to be a perfect jerk; but he hadn't been able to resist attempting to bestow his "wisdom" to his young friend. He bowed stiffly, as if in apology, removing his hat and tossing it to the hat rack with a casual flick of the wrist.

"My apologies, Mint. A joke taken a bit too far… Are you feeling okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine, thank you Klarth… Are you okay, Cless? It's safe for you to look up now… Arche is covered."

A moment of silence, as Cless grimaced, before he started speaking.

"I can't, Mint... I think I screwed my neck up looking at this floor too long."

Mint practically leapt for joy (though she tried hard to conceal it), running over to Cless and placing her hands over his neck.

"All right!" She said happily, any ire towards Klarth gone in her effort to do what her heart told her to. "I'll have this fixed in a jiffy!" She closed her eyes, and mana surged around her as she began to mumble the words to a healing spell.

Klarth glanced at her, his eyes off to the side, and bent down next to Cless, the grin still ever-present on his face. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say she's glad that you're hurt…" He whispered, winking.

Cless had wanted to stab something for days now, so he could understand how Mint felt having no one around to heal. He had briefly considered flinging himself out the window to give her something to do earlier in the day, but had decided against it. It was hard to get the dents out of his armor.

Mint had finished her spell by the time Arche emerged, wearing her usual ensemble. The pink-haired one regarded Klarth coldly, but with a grumble in her stomach, conveniently lost her anger for the moment.

"Please… PLEASE tell me you've brought food." She squeaked hopefully, eyes beaming. Klarth shook his head no, and Arche's face fell. "Guess I'll just go get some bread…" She muttered, the light in her voice having waned as quickly as it had waxed.

However, instead of going straight to the bag of bread, Arche rummaged through the cabinets. Finding a sugar shaker, she grabbed a loaf and sat down at the table, meticulously sprinkling sugar on all portions before cramming it into her mouth. Mint, Cless, and Klarth watched incredulously, their surprised stares boring a hole into her.

"WHAF?" She mumbled, her mouth full of bread, unaware of why the eating habit attracted so much attention.

"It's nothing…" Mint said politely. Klarth wasn't about to let her get off so easy.

"So _that's_ how she does it." Klarth said. "I know I read that girls were made of sugar and spice and all that, but I had no idea they took it so literally."

"SHUF FUP! ITH GUUD!" Arche replied, unwilling to sacrifice the taste of her snack for a clear retort.

"I'll take your word for it." Klarth acquiesced, putting a hand to his stomach with a nauseated look on his face. "We're still stuck here for another day or so, but I do have some good news…"

"Let's hear it." Cless said, eager to have something to say in the conversation, his neck fully healed. Klarth opened his mouth to begin when Arche suddenly started chomping on the bread as loud as she possibly could, in stark contrast to her silent chewing from the moment before. Klarth glared, waiting for her to stop. Thinking there was some trouble, Mint got up to get Arche some water. Arche accepted it from Mint gracefully, bowing her head slightly and murmuring a faint thank you, and Klarth thought that was it.

He turned to address the group again, only to hear the loudest **GLUG GLUG** sounds he'd ever heard in his life. He twisted back to stare at Arche, and she was sipping her water innocently, not even looking up. Turning away, the **GLUG GLUGs** continued. Had Klarth had eyes in the back of his head, he'd have noticed Arche taking as many large swallows as she could, but the half-elf was remarkably quick. Unable to catch her in the act, Klarth went on the offensive.

"Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed today?" Klarth asked, knowing Arche's annoyances to be deliberate and tactical. Arche just looked up at him and smiled sweetly, not even bothering to answer Klarth's question. The answer was obvious anyway.

"Anyway, about the news…" Mint said hopefully, trying to let the entire affair blow over. Klarth began again smiling faintly, and even Arche cooperated, her youthful curiosity having gotten the best of her.

"Yes, about that… I was asked to pass a message to Cless. Apparently that Elwyn fellow is finally going to marry Nancy, and we've been invited…"

"To the wedding?" Mint interrupted sweetly, a smile etching its way onto her serene face. "I love weddings… I went to one of them once as a little girl… the bride was so pretty… And it is so good to know that those two are together…"

"…To the Bachelor Party." Klarth finished, without missing a beat. Cless looked confused for the third time that day, while Mint seemed more disappointed. Arche just regarded the three of them, seeming not to pay attention to the casual bystander, but Klarth knew that he'd caught her eye at the mention of the word "party".

Cless felt his confusion needed to be resolved, so he spoke up. "What's a bachelor party? I've never been to one."

"Oh, it's great! There are drinks, and good food, and lots of people! I went to one once, and it was pretty interesting… there were a lot of guys there, but the way they reacted when _I _came through the door, well… they were pretty excited and happy to see me. I was the life of the party… Except that some of them kept trying to throw gald at me… And said some naughty things… and… Well, I had to leave… Things got a little out of control…"

For the third time that morning, Arche felt herself the victim of several stares, with Klarth's particularly burning, since he was the only one of them that had a clear idea of what a bachelor party was. Arche smiled at them cheerfully in reply, but the stares continued, long enough that she felt agitated.

"What?" She asked, having been the one to answer Cless's question.

"Wellllllll… Let's just say you'll have to tell me all about THAT story sometime…" Klarth began. He didn't even want to open this can of worms, but he was in an educational mood, and his three companions were SO young and naïve…

He began, and the next thirty minutes were quite interesting, had anyone other than the four been around to watch. Mint's eyebrows arched up and down in alternating forms of shock and disbelief. Cless's expression went from confused, to shocked, to interested, to confused again, and Arche just sat there, taking it all in. Her eyes had initially lit up at the mention of the word party, but as Klarth had explained it, (Continually driving home the point that only men could attend) that light had begun to fade.

"…And that's what a Bachelor Party is! Understand?" Klarth finished, smiling. Cless and Mint nodded slowly, trying their best to hide their perturbed feelings about the entire matter. (Klarth had elected to explain the raunchy, drink and female "guest" filled hedonistic version of a Bachelor Party)

A pink-gloved fist pounded on the table, making a surprisingly loud sound, as Arche jumped to her feet shouting, "You mean I'm not allowed to go to this party? That's discrimination! All that food and drink and fun! It's-"

Cless and Mint winced, wanting to avoid another confrontation with the spunky witch, but Klarth met the challenge, confident he could deflect Arche's line of reasoning anyway.

"Will you let me finish, Arche!" The summoner interjected, matching Arche's glare with one of his own. "The bachelorette is allowed to have a party too and only women attend, though I didn't hear if Nancy had thought of anything about that." Arche glared in anger and opened her mouth to reply, before realizing that Klarth had just told her that there just might be a party for her, too.

"Um…" She paused a moment to collect her thoughts, and her mouth slowly turned upward into an ear-splitting grin, overshadowed only by the light that suddenly dawned in her pink eyes. Mint shifted uncomfortably, disliking the look that Arche had her eyes. This was possibly because as it had occurred, Arche had turned to look directly at her, still smiling widely.

Mint liked it even less when Arche suddenly grabbed her arm, chanting,"Really? We have to go find Nancy! C'mon Mint!" She pulled and tried to tug her friend to the door, but Mint held firm, trying to be the voice of reason. "What's wrong?"

"This doesn't sound very fun…" Mint explained. "This whole business of a party… especially with Klarth's… um… debaucher explanation… It sounds rather… well… not right… I always thought the wedding was the part the groom and bride looked forward to…"

"That's funny, I always thought it was AFTER the wedding the groom and bride looked forward to…" Arche muttered, so low that no one could hear her. Her eyes shot back up to Mint, and she continued trying to persuade her. "…C'mon Mint! It'll be fun! Don't you want to celebrate Nancy's happiness with her? You're the one who played matchmaker, right?"

"Well… Yes…" Mint murmured uncertainly, looking to Cless for help.

Klarth jumped into the fray instead, recognizing that Mint would suggest she and Cless just stay home, and determined not to attend the party with at least one friend in tow, and Cless was it.

"Let me be quick to point out that not all of these parties are as bad as I described, Mint…" He began in a matter of fact kind of way, raising a single digit for emphasis. "I just wanted to give you the worst-case scenario."

In the face of Klarth's voice of reason, Mint acquiesced.

"Well… that's true…" Mint turned to look at Arche. "Maybe Nancy will just want some company instead of a party…" She smiled faintly. "Or someone to cook for the party. We should go find her, anyway… She'll probably be lonely while Elwyn is having his fun." She got up and reached for her hat, putting it on over her beautiful blonde hair, and motioned for the door.

"Riiiiiiiiiiiight…" Arche replied, unable to comprehend how someone could NOT want to have a party. There was so much excellent food to be bought in bars and restaurants, so why cook? But she didn't want to hurt Mint's feelings, and so she feigned agreement. Anything to see Nancy, and then the plans could begin.

The two of them exited the room, and after they did, Klarth slapped Cless on the shoulder, a wide grin splitting his face.

"Did you hear that, buddy? We're going to a party! Finally some REAL relaxation…"

Cless's only response was to groan in a less than celebratory tone. "We should be trying to get back to my time to stop Dhaos… And I wouldn't have minded just sitting here with Mint, really…" He muttered, but Klarth was not to be conquered by Cless's perplexing incidence of wet-blanket syndrome.

"Dhaos can wait… we can't even look for Thor until the storms are gone. Besides, you'll enjoy it! You should be there for the man that you helped unite in… love, or something. Don't worry! I'll show you how to act. Let's go find something decent to wear; we can't have you looking the way you do for a high-class affair such as this.

"Well… It was really more Mint helping those two than me… though I'm glad that they are getting married… I was kind of along for the ride…" Cless stammered, grasping at straws. "Besides, I like my clothes just fine… It's customary for a knight to wear armor, after all…

"No, you were responsible too. _I_ was there, and I helped too! It's only natural that you be there… it'll be fun! And armor is a terrible thing to wear to a party like this… Trust me!"

At the mention of the word 'fun', Cless stiffened. It wasn't that he was adverse to a little relaxation now and again, but there hadn't been a great incidence of 'fun' times since he'd begun his journey. Knowing that almost everyone you ever loved or knew was rotting in the ground and had yet to be avenged had a way of sucking the life out of, well, life. "This is a side of you I don't think I've seen, Klarth." Cless pointed out. "I'm not sure if it's as logical and rational as the rest of you… you're almost acting like Arche!"

At the mention of Arche, Klarth stiffened the way Cless had, though he went so far as to take off his hat, holding it to his chest in mock despair (though he'd considered walloping Cless with it.)

"Me? Act like Arche? Never…" Klarth returned his hat to his head and placed an almost patronizing hand on Cless's back, wondering if he had been this stupid when he was young. "These opportunities to relax don't come along so often... Someday you'll understand…"

Acquiescing as Mint had, Cless relented and allowed Klarth to lead him out the door.

It was funny, but even as Cless had been thinking he might've liked to stay in the room and spend time chatting with Mint, Mint felt the same way as a hyperactive, pink-haired fervor practically dragged her to where Nancy was currently dwelling.

---

Several hours later, Cless remained uneasy about attending the party. It might have been because Klarth had insisted he wear something other than his armor to the affair, having ushered him to the tailor and spending his… _their, _Cless tried to remind himself, hard earned gald on a fine blue tunic and matching breeches. It might have been because he still wasn't in a 'party party party' sort of mood. It might have been because he felt naked without his trusty sword, especially when, Cless reflected, these kinds of events seemed to star evil monster. After all, even his relaxing boat-ride to Alvanista had met with just such an incident. Whatever it was, he'd have much preferred to sit around and spend the evening chatting with Mint (Arche was something of a night-owl), swapping stories about their childhoods. He liked spending time with Mint.

The rumble of his stomach changed his mind just a bit, however. He realized that after spending three hours at the tailors', he hadn't eaten since then. Maybe the party wouldn't be ALL-bad… And Arche had dragged Mint away anyway. He wondered if he should tell Mint that he felt a little more than just friendly affection for her, but she was painfully shy, and he wasn't much better. Ruining a friendship was the last thing either of them wanted to do; but how to let her know how he felt, without making it seem so forward that he'd dislike her if she didn't feel the same way? He had no experience with women whatsoever. If only he could talk with her in private…

Thinking back to the party, Cless glanced at Klarth, who didn't seem to be having a problem with it all.Backing out on Klarth, who he had come to consider a good friend despite their difference in ages, would have been more trouble than it was worth.

Besides, Klarth had arranged to have his finest clothes picked up from Euclid. Cless wasn't sure how they'd managed to make it to Venezzia so quickly, but the summoner looked simply dapper in a long forest green coat with jeweled cufflinks, a black leather belt, plain white shirt, and matching forest green pants, ending the outfit with a pair of pointed brown shoes, his hat conspicuously absent. With as much skin as Klarth displayed with his normal outfit, Cless was surprised to see that Klarth was dressed so well for the occasion. He'd never thought of Klarth as the "snappy dresser" type.

He'd already asked Klarth about it, but Klarth had coolly replied that his normal outfit "was less restrictive and therefore more adaptive to the summoning arts." It was funny, but Cless thought it had just been so Klarth could wink at ladies, pump out his chest, tip his hat, and flex chicken-wing arms that revealed a mildly surprising amount of muscle underneath their intriguing dark markings. At least, that was how Klarth had behaved in Alvanista. He wondered if Mirald, Klarth's assistant (And Cless suspected she was much more than that!) would approve. The thought of Klarth's relationship with Mirald led Cless to again think of his feelings toward Mint, and he glanced at Klarth, who was whistling as he high-stepped down the street.

"_Maybe I should ask Klarth about how he let Mirald know that he feels for her…"_ Cless thought briefly, before realizing that he might not entirely like the answer, as he remembered some of Klarth's "moments".

"Cless? Why are you wincing?" Klarth asked. "We're just about here, you know.

"Oh, um, no reason, Klarth." Cless lied, less than smoothly. Maybe he would ask Klarth some other time, when Cless felt himself prepared for the variety of answers he might get from the man, whether he'd like them or not. He supposed that for every "And well, I just swept her off her feet and we charged for the bed…" answer he might have gotten, he might also have gotten a more tender "Well, I wrote her a romantic letter, and a poem about the summer blossoms…" Klarth _was_ the scholarly sort, of after all.

Klarth stopped in front of a large, brightly painted building on the north end of Venezzia, having deciphered the directions on the invitation he'd received. Cless thought it was funny how they'd never noticed the building before, but then again, that cheesy man on the gondola had never told them such a club existed in town. Cless wondered if the gondola man had withheld information because he was too busy smoking the pipe. Using his superior reasoning skills, Klarth had figured it was from whatever was IN the pipe. Whatever the case, the two had found the place with a minimum of trouble.

"We're here, Cless. Now all we do is go inside and wait to surprise Elwyn, then we sing, drink, and eat the night away…" Klarth winked, patting Cless on the shoulder, anticipating the embarrassment that Cless would show when he finished his statement. "There might even be some _entertainment_, if the people who arranged the party think Elwyn goes for that sort of thing." He finished, just to see Cless fidget uncomfortably, as he figured Cless was apt to do so.

Unfortunately for Klarth, Cless had no idea what in the hell his friend was talking about, but as he opened his mouth to ask, he realized he didn't really want to know, did he? After the lecture they'd endured during the morning when Klarth had discovered they didn't know what a bachelor party was, he wasn't eager to endure another one. There was a certain bliss contained within ignorance, and for once in his life, Cless took the easy way out.

"Sounds fun." Cless said, smiling and nodding, and showing no embarrassment whatsoever. Klarth had been banking on Cless knowing what he was referring to, but as Klarth took that moment to wince mysteriously, the way Cless had moments earlier; he realized there was much his young friend did not know. Didn't they teach those kids in the future ANYTHING?

"It is…" Klarth said icily, before his tone warmed and he took a step back. "Shall we go in?"

Taken aback by the sudden change, Cless could only reply, "We… shall."

Klarth beckoned towards the doors with a flourish he normally reserved for nobles. "After you."

"No, I insist, after you." Cless said, having been raised to respect his elders.

Klarth would have nothing of it. "You're younger."

"You're older." Cless explained.

"You're…" Klarth paused, before smiling slyly. "More handsome."

"Really?" Cless said, putting his hand to his face, shocked by the compliment, and even more by who it had come from. He'd always been regarded as kind of good-looking at Totus, but to hear this from someone outside of the village, and Klarth of all people, well…

"No. Get your ass in there."

"Fine, fine…" Cless mumbled. He stepped in and was immediately drenched from head to toe, as a bucketful of water tumbled from atop the entryway.

"Darn it! That was meant for Elwyn! Reset the barrel!" Someone shouted from within the building. Cless turned around and looked at Klarth helplessly, his mouth agape, his hair dripping wet. "How… much did these clothes cost again?"

"Remember, you're here to have FUN." Klarth said, wisely ignoring the question. The truth of the matter was that he'd seen the trap, which was the reason he'd worked so hard to keep from going into the building first.

The two entered, unaware that they were being watched from above…

---

While Cless and Klarth had been getting ready for the party, Arche had hatched her own plan. With Mint, she had tracked down Nancy without any problems, but had discovered that Nancy was unaware of the bachelor party. Arche had tried to convince Nancy that she had to have her own party, but the woman's face had fallen as she explained that she'd left all her friends in Euclid to go after Elwyn.

Arche had tried to console her, understanding that misery all too well, since her "home" had basically constituted a log cabin in the middle of the mountains, and her dad hadn't let her go to the cities until she'd been old enough to cast spells and ride her broom away from danger. But Mint's approach was more effective, as she gave Nancy a hug, told her not to worry about it, and pointed out that there were plenty of other fun things they could do, offering to help her plan the wedding. The two had busied themselves in that for a bit, and Nancy had begun to cheer up.

But while they had done that, Arche had enacted her Plan B. She always had a Plan B. In this case, the B stood for "Broom", and as a result, she was high in the sky watching Cless and Klarth enter the building in which, she assumed, the party was to be held. Giggling at Cless's predicament, and secure in the knowledge that she'd figured out where the party was being held, she soared back to the to report the news to Nancy and Mint, her pink hair whipping around, a bizarre extension of the woman's spirit.

She flew through the 2nd floor window, not even bothering to dismount her broomstick and climb the steps, only to find Mint and Nancy at the table continuing their planning, and generally just chatting; Nancy about how wonderful it was to be in love, Mint about her adventures on the road. They hadn't even looked up yet.

Arche cleared her throat noisily, prompting Nancy to turn and smile cheerfully at her through her long, strawberry blond hair. Mint smiled too, but Arche was used to that, so she focused on Nancy before looking at Mint, making sure she had their attention.

For several seconds, during which the smiles waned a bit and there was a moderately painful silence.

"Yes, Arche?" Nancy asked pointedly.

"I found out where Elwyn's Bachelor Party is at… Think we should go check it out?" She said quietly, innocently, trying to beat around the bush. Naturally, Mint wasn't fooled, knowing how Arche had an amazing ability to hide the excitement that, at times, threatened to burst through every fiber of her being.

An uncertain look crossed Nancy's hazel eyes, as she considered her relationship with Elwyn carefully before answering. "I don't know about that, maybe we should let Elwyn have his fun. I always thought the best part of everything was the wedding, anyway."

Arche stared deeply at Nancy, before turning to Mint and doing the same thing. Nancy blinked once or twice, but Mint stared back, wondering if Arche had taken a blow to the head lately and wanting to check her pupils to be sure. After all, Arche was acting even weirder than she usually did… And the confounded stares the witch was making proved it.

"Are you feeling all right, Arche?" Mint asked, wondering if she should grab Arche by the arm and lead her to a chair.

"Couldn't be better… Are you sure the two of you aren't related?" Arche joked, putting her hands behind her head and stretching, while recalling the comment she'd made earlier, when Mint had said something similar regarding the "best part" of a relationship being a wedding.

The thought of blood relation had never crossed Mint's mind, and she glanced worriedly at Nancy. She never had asked Nancy or Elwyn for their last names… what if they were Adnades? Could she be setting up her own great grandparents, or cause irrevocable damage to time? She pondered this turn of events, grimacing. Arche had bought Mint's story that she was from the future, but they had never told Nancy, for obvious reasons…

"Mint? What's wrong?" Nancy asked, with a hint of concern.

"Matchmaker matchmaker…" Arche hummed knowingly, before removing a dipper from the room's drinking bucket and taking a long swallow as Mint turned away, not wanting Nancy to see the quandary she was in.

"Are you all right, Mint?" Nancy pressed.

Mint turned back, the worry replaced by a falsified smile, and nodded. "Couldn't be better. What was your last name again?"

"Klaine." Nancy said simply. She recoiled in horror as Arche soaked her with a mouthful of water, having spit it out in shock as soon as the name had reached her sensitive ears.

"What?!" Arche shrieked, slamming her palms down on the table. "But that's… my last name… Er… Not that it matters, since it wouldn't matter if… we were, you know, related… not like if you were related to Mint or something."

Mint slapped herself on the forehead while thinking that Arche wasn't exactly as smooth as silk in her deliberations.

"What are you talking about?" Nancy said, even more confused than before with the way her friends were acting.

"It's nothing…" Mint stammered, while Arche nodded her agreement. "…A common last name, really. Arche, maybe you should ask your father sometime if there are more people with that last name around."

"That wouldn't help… my parents changed our family name when we were very little… it was to escape the tax collector or something." Nancy explained, and Arche breathed a sigh of relief, as Nancy walked over to the closet and removed a cloth, using it to dry the portion of her hair that Arche had spit all over. Remembering something off-handedly, she spoke it aloud as she rubbed the towel over her forehead, effectively blocking Arche and Mint from her line of sight.

"While we're at it, what's Elwyn's last name?" Arche asked.

"Oh… Elwyn's last name is very uncommon… it's… mmm… Alvein. It's a beautiful name, isn't it?" She smiled, her vision still obstructed, as two gasps reached her ears. She assumed that the gasps had meant that Arche and Mint found the name to be just as lovely; before realizing that the gasps had gone on for a VERY long time.

She whipped off the towel just in time to watch Mint and Arche faint dead away, their faces contorted in shock, their breath stolen away at the mention of Elwyn's last name; one that he apparently shared with their favorite swordsman; Cless Alvein.

A worry line etched itself onto Nancy's brow, as she misperceived why Mint and Arche had swooned. "It's not… THAT beautiful…" She murmured, before racing over to ready the water bucket for a throw on Arche and Mint, the way she'd done for her sister once.

---

Merriment ensued. Apparently whoever had funded Elwyn's Bachelor Party had stopped at no expense; there was live piano music, trays filled with choice meats, breads, and other delicacies, and bunches of people. Not to mention the sheer number of libations that existed for the casual and serious drinker, as it _was_ a bachelor party, after all.

Cless couldn't remember having seen so many people in his life! He might have even enjoyed it a little bit, if he hadn't remained soaked to the bone, to say nothing of how hungry he was. He'd shied away from the drinks, remembering that he didn't feel himself old enough for that sort of thing (To say nothing of how he thought Mint would feel about it), but he was getting hungry. Complimentary to the way his day had been going, ten to twenty other men blocked the path to the trays of food, though the alcohol had been vacated. It made sense, as everyone already seemed to have a drink at hand. Klarth himself had gone to get something to drink a second ago, but he was now nowhere to be found. Cless was just about to get that sneaky feeling that he should look for his friend, when he saw his other friend; quite possibly the only other one he knew at the party, for Elwyn had apparently arrived and was walking around exchanging handshakes and back slaps with guests.

Elwyn was clad in a red vest, black pants, and a fine white shirt with a pair of shiny, star shaped cufflinks at the end of each sleeve, but he didn't look happy. It didn't look bad at all, until Cless realized that Elwyn had been drenched in a fashion similar to the way he had been. Whatever the case, Cless soon realized that Elwyn was keeping an eye out for him; as the instant Cless felt himself "spotted", Elwyn's face had lit up, and the man had practically hurtled his way through a trio of other guests to walk over to Cless.

"Cless! Welcome to the party!" Elwyn exclaimed, as he grabbed the swordsman's hand and pumped enthusiastically, before grimacing and taking his hand away, wringing it to shake off the damp chill of Cless's hand.

"My friends always were practical jokers… I'm sorry about your clothes, Cless. That prank was meant for me, though they got me too…"

Cless shrugged and smiled, glad to finally be talking to someone he knew, even if it was just passably well.

"No biggie, Elwyn; me and Klarth thank you for the invitation. Is your father here? I'm kind of looking for people to talk to, and I've at least met him before."

Elwyn shook his head, grimacing slightly. "No, he had to go across the ocean at the last minute… something about some shipping he had to inspect. Normally he'd have sent me, but… well… I kinda have to be here." His voice dropped to a low whisper. "This wasn't really my idea… I don't mind a good time as much as the next person, but I kinda figured I'd think about what it'd be like to be married and the good times Nancy and me would share… I know it sounds boring, but the party was all dad's idea." The seriousness dropped from his voice, and he chuckled. "I'm a bit glad that I'm the only one in charge of the party now… my dad had a few things I'm not sure I'd approve of in the itinerary, so I went ahead and cancelled them."

His curiosity piqued, Cless couldn't help but inquire. "Things? What kind of things?"

"Well…" Elwyn looked around, eager to make sure that none of his rowdier friends would hear, before dropping his voice to a whisper. "The _entertainment_, if you catch my drift. Some of my friends might go for that kind of thing, but Nancy's the only girl for me, you know?"

Naturally, Cless didn't know, not comprehending Elwyn's emphasis on entertainment. (Elwyn didn't explain things quite as clearly as Klarth did, out of a sense for what was proper to discuss.) Bewildered by what Elwyn meant, Cless decided he would try to be helpful. "Well… At least you still have the piano person… though I wonder what this place would have been like with more live music. It's still very nice though!"

"Um… Huh?" Elwyn asked, Cless's comment catching him off-guard.

"You know, music! Entertainment!" Cless explained.

Elwyn blinked for a second, before turning slightly red. "Oh… OH!" He wondered if he should be the one to shatter Cless's innocent viewpoints forever. "Well… not quite that kind of entertainment, Cless… the… um… the female kind." He stammered, hoping Cless would understand the point, as he wasn't really willing to discuss the matter any further.

Not surprisingly, given his somewhat backward (Or downright naïve) ways, Cless didn't get it in the least.

"Oh. You mean a singer? Or maybe a cute magician… I remember one day Arche made fireworks for us when we were bored…" Cless's voice trailed off again, and letting out a sigh that was one part agitation and one part relief, Elwyn clapped him on the shoulder.

"Forget about it, buddy, it's not a problem now, anyway... I had a request to ask you of you, if you have the time, and I'd be kind of honored if you'd accept… I need a partner for a sporting event, and you strike me as the athletic type. Think you could help me out?" Elwyn smiled.

Given the spontaneity of the request, Cless got the sense that Elwyn was hiding something; though Cless doubted it was because of ill intent. It was the kind of smile they always got from people who needed help, or wanted something.

Cless pondered the request for a moment. Normally he'd have jumped up immediately to help someone in need… but Klarth had been trying to convince him to haggle a bit, to play up his expertise and point out that he had skills few people did. Convince them that you're an asset, Klarth had explained.

Well…" Cless began, smiling matter-of-factly, "I DO kill things for a living… so I've been involved in athletic things all my life!"

Unsure of how to take his friend's response, Elwyn resorted to humor. He was glad that Cless was here to lighten the dark cloud that had come over his mood; and hopefully help him out of it. "There won't be any killing involved, you big jokester! I just need you to be my partner in a little race… It's my favorite game, and there's a prize involved, a prize that I really, REALLY need, because, well…"

Elwyn's face drooped, his shoulders slumped, and it looked as if a great burden had suddenly been thrust upon him. He whispered, unwilling to say the damning words with a voiced inflection. "I lost the wedding rings, and…"

"You lost the rings?!" Cless shouted, more because he thought Elwyn hadn't been able to hear him over the din of the crowd than in surprise. The shout hit a nerve, as Elwyn grabbed his friend a little too urgently with anxiety sharply evident in his normally gentle eyes.

"Not so loud! Not so loud! Please… Some of my guests are the materialistic sorts, and they might use that to try and break up the wedding… and neither Nancy nor me want that… But still… I don't know how she will take this news at all, since we picked them out together… I don't have any more money to get new rings, it's all invested in the company."

"Sorry…" Cless muttered, wondering how he could help his friend; but he'd spent all of his available gald on the outfit Klarth had picked out. "Where do I come into this?"

Elwyn smiled; the thinnest smile of hope he had left. "Well, the contest is a race that I need a partner for… it's my favorite game, the event of the party really… and the prize for having the best time is a substantial amount of gald, maybe enough to replace the rings before the ceremony. Problem is, I've never won the contest before, except with Nancy, and she's out… I was wondering if you could be my partner."

Cless paused for a second, saw the pleading look in Elwyn's eyes, and smiled. "Elwyn, I would be happy to help you with this sort of thing. It's my specialty… When do you need me to run this race with you?"

"Later in the evening; I'd say around… ten?" Elwyn explained, pulling a pocket watch out of his breast pocket. "It's about nine thirty now, and it's held at those tables…" Elwyn indicated the breadth of the room, pointing to a spot that had been roped off on the west wall of the building, "Over there. People are running it all day, and they're just recording times, so there's no specific time you have to be there… though everything closes at eleven when we have a ceremony and announce the winners. Thanks a ton, I really appreciate this…"

The growl in Cless's stomach reminded him that he might have faltered a bit too long, so he nodded to Elwyn, and politely excused himself, meandering off to the food line, which had somehow become even LARGER than before. Elwyn walked off in the other direction, the look of sadness replaced with gladness in his eyes, as he went to greet more guests.

"_It's to help a friend, so it'll be all right… my hunger can wait…" _Cless figured, though he knew he needed to be well fed so he could do his best in the race, unwilling to let Elwyn down. He was about to wander over to the foods when he inadvertently collided with a waiter offering a tray filled with what he perceived as gummies in little cups. His hunger was the first thing on his mind, so he didn't take notice that the cups smelled a little funny, taking the proffered one and gulping it down before consuming two or three more, savoring the sweet taste.

Cless didn't even notice the waiter look at him oddly as he sauntered away, though the look was a combination of disbelief, surprise, and respect: or disgust.

"Wow…" The waiter muttered. "That kid must hold his liquor better than anyone I've ever seen…"

As a result of his consumption, it only took Cless a few minutes before he began to feel good. Really good, or perhaps weird, though his mind couldn't perceive the difference. He noticed that the straight line of people in front of him had abruptly become rather blurred and curvaceous, but that was about the only change that registered enough to affect his judgment, and he was still hungry.

Klarth walked up behind Cless, holding a drink in one hand. He'd been walking up behind a lot of people lately, but it hadn't hurt him yet today. He'd have recognized Cless immediately even if he hadn't been looking for the guy wearing the wet clothes, which was a good thing because Cless's clothes had dried.

Klarth walked behind Cless because for one thing he was hungry, and for another he realized just how few people he knew in Venezzia; so he figured he'd take Cless under his wing and show him the ropes. Being at the party had made him realize just how few people he knew in Venezzia. It was a much more happening place than Euclid, but in Euclid he'd had his books and Mirald to bury himself in.

Klarth noticed how loose Cless seemed, and made light of it. "Cless, are you enjoying yourself? How are you holding up through all this revelry? I can't find anyone to talk to, so I figure I'll just hound you the entire time…" He smirked. "As if I don't spend enough time around you while we're on the road, this friendless old man has to do it while we're relaxing... What do you think? Well?" He tapped Cless on the shoulder, wondering if perhaps he'd found someone who just LOOKED like Cless.

Focusing on the word "well", (He'd heard little else.) Cless turned around to glare at Klarth, and it was only then that Klarth noticed how red Cless's eyes had become over the past few minutes. The two orbs stared ahead, blinked once, and then bounded up his face a bit, as their owner opened his mouth to speak.

"You're mean! Everyone was mean… It's not my fault I trained harder than all the others… sweat a little more… It's not… my fault… I smell…"

Whatever response Klarth had been expecting, it hadn't been this.

"Smell? Cless, what the hell are you talking about?" Klarth was about to continue his line of questioning, but stopped abruptly as the familiar scent of alcohol assaulted his senses; and it wasn't coming from the drink he held in his hand. His eyebrows shot up in surprise as he realized just whose breath he smelled. "Uh…" At a loss for words, his thoughts jumped to how in the hell he was going to explain this to Mint.

It wasn't something he wished on his young friend; especially with the purest, most righteous girl Klarth had ever known normally eyeing Cless's every move. It wasn't any philosophical problem with Cless's current state of inebriation: He'd sunk into that sort of thing before. But there was a difference between being willing to be drunk, and not so, and he strongly guessed Cless was the latter.

Taking a deep breath, and putting a hand to his temple as if he had a migraine, Klarth decided not to jump to conclusions and to just ask the damn question. After all, Cless was remarkably hardheaded. Maybe he'd just fallen and given himself a concussion… before tripping and falling into a barrel of wine. Yeah, right.

"Cless, did you have anything to drink?"

"No… I just had… umm… some gummies as a snack… Mmm…. I could go for some more of those… **burp**… right now…" Cless slurred, not even noticing Klarth wince at the word gummies. He'd had _one_ of those… but he knew what them for what they were, and the large amounts of alcohol they contained. Cless obviously didn't, and he scrambled to find a way to translate their description into Cless-speak. He doubted Cless was up for big, complicated words and gestures at the moment.

"Did those gummies come in little cups like… this?" Klarth made a loop with two fingers, displaying the circumference of a coin. "And did they taste… well… really sweet?"

"Yeah… At least I think… so… I had about five of them… Why do I feel so…"

"Five? Hoo boy…" Klarth muttered. "No wonder you look like hell…" If he didn't miss his guess, Cless had just stumbled across what _looked_ like gummies, but were made with shots of booze. He grabbed Cless by the shoulder and attempted to lead him away from the line.

"Let's come over here, sit down, and get the waiter to serve us, Cless. You shouldn't be on your feet." They started towards a nearby table when Cless suddenly grabbed Klarth.

"L-l-l-l-l-look out, Klarth! The world's s-s-s-spinning! It must be black magic! Run, people run!"

Klarth groaned, glanced around to see if anyone was paying attention to Cless. They weren't, so he continued on his way, grasped Cless firmly by the shoulders, and eased him into the chair, wondering if he should tie Cless down for good measure. Figuring the kid had been obedient so far, he saw no need, and besides, he didn't have anything to tie his friend down with. "Stay here, and don't move." He commanded. "I'm going to go get you something yummy to eat, okay?"

Cless nodded obediently, but a small dribble of drool oozed out of the corner of his mouth. He was clearly in another world. "Yes daddy." He said sweetly, before dropping his head back over the chair and going to sleep.

"Great…" Klarth muttered, rubbing his head and blinking in surprise when he touched only hair, and a little bit of scalp, since his hat wasn't a part of his current outfit. Was he going bald? Just how long had he been wearing his hat lately? He shrugged away the thought and returned to thinking about Cless. If he could get Cless some food, he figured that he might mellow out a bit, since he was stumbling, bumbling, falling on his ass drunk right now. Sighing, he got back in the food line, which was longer than ever. He thrust his hands into his pocket grumpily and wondered when he'd gone from a first-class summoner to a babysitter. What was it Cless called him? Daddy? "Kids…" He grumbled. "He'd better REALLY be drunk…"

Unfortunately for Klarth, Cless most certainly was. He woke up about twenty minutes later, dazed and confused. He staggered to his feet, wondered why the world was spinning, but nonetheless had the wherewithal to ask a guest what time it was, as a faint thought about Elwyn kept popping up in his mind. At the mention of the time, one thought that kept beating over and over again through his drunken mind: Elwyn's contest. He staggered through the crowd, not sure what Elwyn's contest was or exactly what he was doing in it, but determined to keep his promise despite the fact that he wasn't entirely sure what was going on, or why the room kept spinning. It was a shame that however skilled he might be, it would be of no help in a racing contest, at least as uncoordinated and dazzled as he was.

---

When Arche and Mint came to, they found Nancy standing over them with a worried look on her face and a bucket of water in her hands. They were both drenched, but that was the least of their concerns.

"What… was Elwyn's…" Arche began weakly

"…Last name again?" Mint finished.

"Malvein… not Alvein… I'm sorry… I was very little, and couldn't produce my M's so well at the time. Mom thought it was cute... So I kind of kept the habit with names."

Mint cast a look of relief Arche's way, one the half-elf returned. "It's okay." They replied in unison.

Nancy extended her hands, and Mint and Arche each clasped one as she helped them to their feet effortlessly. Both the girls eyes widened in surprise as they realized Nancy had pulled them to their feet as if it was nothing, but Arche was the first one to react.

"Strong girl!" Arche exclaimed, dusting herself off and playfully squeezing one of Nancy's arms.

"When I was little, I had to do a lot of work in the field, I guess." Nancy explained good-naturedly. Arche nodded in reply, though she'd never had to do work of that nature before. Magic made it possible.

"Right… so… How 'bout that party?"

"You certainly have a one track mind." Mint observed.

Nancy added, "You must really want to check up on it…"

Arche smiled back, even though she knew that wasn't the reason at all for wanting to go. She was in the mood for a party, and a party just wasn't a party with only three people… Particularly if all they were doing was planning a wedding.

"Well, no…" That wasn't it at all, Arche knew; she was in it for the fun. But as she considered what might motivate her friends, she realized she'd have to change her tune. "...I don't think they need checking up on… but then again, with Cless getting drenched by the… um… booze and all…"

Arche paused, hoping for a certain reaction from Mint, and that the little white lie would be enough to change Mint's mind. Naturally, she had no idea that what her lie implied had actually happened, and that Cless was in a state of inebriation a few Venezzian blocks away.

"WHAT?!" Mint shrieked, in sudden distress. It had been a rather stressful night for her thus far, but that news had definitely made its mark, as she replayed the words over and over in her head… _"Cless getting drenched by the booze and all…"_

"Oops." Arche squeaked, pretending she wasn't trying to let that little fact slip out.

Mint suddenly looked more pissed, more determined, and more concerned than Arche could ever remember seeing her, that quiet smile fading into a haughty frown as the woman exploded into action, going for the door.

"Let's go to that party, Nancy! I don't know how old Elwyn is, but Cless isn't old enough to be drinking! I certainly can't let my Cless be doing things like… like…" Mint hesitated for a second, and her fire waned as she tried to search for the proper way to express herself.

Arche and Nancy continued to exchange surprised looks. This was a side of Mint they'd never seen before, though Arche thought she'd seen it coming out back in the tower the moon spirit, Luna had resided in… And what was it about the word "my" that had Arche so perturbed?

Arche knew that Cless had only been drenched in water, and figured he wouldn't drink, but she decided not to say anything. Mint would've been the hardest to persuade to go to the party, but now it was looking like she might be the ringleader. All she might need would be a little push, and Mint provided the opening.

"…Getting…" Mint continued awkwardly. It wasn't that she didn't know what to say, but it was the meaning she intended to convey. She figured that as the oldest of the group, she should be setting an example of purity for her two friends.

"Getting drunk off his ass?" Arche suggested, trying to be helpful. She would've gotten a kick out of it if she'd been able to get Mint to swear.

"…Getting drunk off his… NO!" Mint shrieked, catching herself. "…Getting… too inebriated… while… not… really… mature… enough!"

"Raspberries." Arche muttered, looking away.

"What's inebriated mean?" Nancy asked matter-of-factly. She hadn't been able to attend as much schooling as she would've liked in Euclid, and she wasn't a drinker herself, though she'd had some wine once at a romantic dinner Elwyn had treated her to. It was the one he'd proposed at…

"Getting drunk off his ass." Arche clarified. "I'm an expert." The brief look on Nancy's face hinted that she wanted more information on exactly how Arche was an "Expert", but the witch only smiled whimsically.

"It means… uh…" Mint said, and Arche's smile turned into a grin as Mint pointed to her with a resigned sigh. "…What Arche said? Only not quite as bad… I think…"

They let the matter drop, as Mint took up her staff, perfect for bopping people, and started for the door. In a flash, Nancy was in her way.

"Please get out of my way, Nancy, I've got to go get Cless." She said politely.

"Mint… Have you forgotten women aren't allowed in there? What'll you do, barge right in?" Nancy said. She dearly wanted to see what Elwyn was up to at this point too, but she knew that her face would be engrained into the memory of everyone there… there was no way she'd be able to just waltz in, and she wanted to go too.

Surprising to herself, Arche came to Nancy's aid. "To be honest, Cless might've just been drenched by water or something… Either way, whatever's happened, we can't just charge in and crash the party." Arche pointed out. After playing with Mint's emotions so strongly, Arche figured that she should at least give her friend a faint ray of hope; as the witch reminded herself that she didn't really want to get Cless in any kind of trouble, nor cause any real pain to Mint. It helped to resolve any residual guilt Arche might have felt; and Arche Klaine just didn't allow herself the opportunity to be guilty..

Of course, Arche was completely unaware that, at the party, Cless really _was_ "drunk off his ass". (Author's Note: There. Three times is enough to overuse any phrase for one story.)

Mint put her hands on her hips and glared, determination settling in. Regardless of Arche's words, she had to be sure Cless was okay, now. It was a rare gesture of defiance for the normally placid, peaceful woman, and Nancy shrunk away a bit. But Mint seemed to relax a bit, and said she would listen to alternatives other than barging right in; even if it was what she desperately wanted to do to make sure Cless was okay. Nancy motioned for the table and the three of them sat down to discuss, but after five minutes of brainstorming, the three of them hadn't thought of any workable ideas.

At the sixth minute, as silence reigned, Arche decided that some noise was better than no noise. "I'm fresh out of ideas… What a drag! We have to get into that party somehow…" She'd wished she had something meaningful to contribute, especially after she'd come up with the ideas to get her "party party party" scheme this far.

Nancy's eyes lit up, and she turned to look at Arche again, smiling widely.

"What'd you say, Arche?" She said, and the excitement in her voice caught both Arche and Mint off guard.

"…I'm fresh out of ideas?" Arche repeated, unsure of where Nancy was coming from. Nancy chuckled jovially, as if Arche's idea was so great, she had to be fooling them for the sake of humor.

"No, no… the other part!"

Arche was clearly lost at that point, but she repeated the words that had apparently excited Nancy so readily. "What a drag?"

"Exactly! It's such a great idea, don't you see it, you two?" Nancy's excitement was contagious, and Mint was surprised to note that her smile, absent during the five minutes of deliberations, had returned. Besides that, anger and excitement gave way to curiosity.

"What's your idea, Nancy?" Mint asked. Nancy ran past Arche and immediately began rummaging through a nearby dresser before responding.

"What Arche said! DRAG!" She'd brought some of Elwyn's clothes with her when they'd decided to plan for the wedding, since those plans had included what they thought Elwyn should wear. She produced a large white shirt, a black coat, and smooth, black silk pants.

Mint caught on quickly. "Oh… I see! This could be fun… Good idea Nancy! I bet some of Cless's stuff would fit me!" She immediately ran to the dresser Cless had been storing his clothes in and was shocked to find that it only contained… black tights... the kind of tights that looked great in battle but would have done nothing to conceal the female form, unless she got awfully creative…

Undaunted, Mint spotted Cless's battered red cloak and reached for it. But a slender, pink-gloved hand reached for it in the same instant, and as Mint grasped her end she found Arche staring at her from the other end with burning determination in her eyes. All in all, it gave their pink hue a curious shade of red. In the excitement, as Nancy had claimed Elwyn's clothes and Mint had checked Cless's, a horrible thought had come across Arche, and she explained her outrage.

"It's mine Mint! There's no way in HELL I'm wearing Klarth's stuff! He dresses like an exotic dancer! It won't work!"

"Arche… can I have the cloak, please? I can't just wear these tights… I need that cloak!" Mint tugged on it a bit, hoping that Arche would see her point of view and let go. Predictably, she didn't.

"But I don't want to wear Klarth's stuff!" Arche retorted, pulling back on the cloak. "He hasn't bathed in months, and those markings on his skin AREN'T permanent tattoos…"

Mint giggled, unaware that Arche was telling what she perceived as the truth. "Be reasonable, Arche! I always thought Klarth's clothes looked perfectly fine, and…" The fabric started to tear once the two were tugging on opposite sides of the room, and worry lines creased Mint's face, interrupting her attempts to find a peaceful way out. "Let go, please? You're ripping it!"

"No I'm not, YOU are!" Arche fired back.

While the impromptu tug of war continued, Nancy emerged, clad in Elwyn's clothes. She'd tucked her radiant hair down the back of her shirt, rather pleased that she'd completed the disguise. Spying the disaster waiting to happen, she flailed her arms uselessly and ran in between the two, noting the cloak's length.

"You two are acting like kids! The cloak's plenty big enough for both of you…" She shrieked, and that got both Mint and Arche's attention, as they stopped tugging.

"It is pretty big…" Mint mumbled. She didn't think it had been so big when Cless had been wearing it, but in fact he tucked it all the way down the back of his armor instead of just around the neck.

"Yeah…" Arche said, her eyes widening. She thought she'd reached the end of it three feet ago, and she tapered it through her fingers, Mint feeding it to her.

Nancy had another solution that would keep both of them happy, as she lifted the cloak up for the two of them and threw it over Arche's head, figuring they didn't have any more time for discussion.

"I think that if you wear it Mint, Arche can fit under it and sneak behind with no problems!" Nancy exclaimed brightly, glad that she'd found a solution to their bickering.

"Hey!" Arche complained, trying to find her way to daylight, nothing more than a flailing mass under the red cape now.

Mint looked unconvinced, so Nancy expanded her plan, unsure why the fuss was all about Klarth's clothes, since she didn't know the man all that well but he had seemed a clean sort.

"That cloak'll disguise Arche, but that'll be tricky…" Nancy turned to Arche. "Maybe you should put Klarth's clothes on anyway? Just in case you want to walk around on your own, or we get separated?"

Arche found her way out and looked around, hurriedly wrapping the cloak up. "Fine, fine…" She acquiesced, continuing. "But I hope no one sees me… Wait a minute! Why can't I lead, Mint put on Klarth's clothes, and go under the cape?"

Mint shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to be impolite. "Well…" She began.

"Don't take this the wrong way Arche, but you're kind of vertically challenged. It's just easier for you to fit under the cape than Mint." Nancy interrupted. For once in her life, Arche looked stunned, and didn't even have a retort.

"Yes… I guess so…" Arche sighed. "I'll go… I'll go get his clothes."

While Arche was changing into Klarth's clothes, Nancy and Mint eyed each other, checking the disguises. Silence reigned for a moment, before Nancy looked towards the room Arche had occupied and sighed as if in apology.

"I didn't think she was sensitive about her height…" Nancy explained. "I was the big sister, so I never really thought about what it was like to be short."

Mint was glad to see that Nancy seemed like-minded in the way she refused to expend someone's feeling as the cost of a joke. "It's okay, she knows you didn't mean anything by it… I guess that's why she's always on her broom... Other than the flying and all."

"I HEARD THAT!" Arche shouted from the other room, and both Mint and Nancy cracked a smile despite the awkwardness, glad that Arche was back to normal.

"Uh oh…" Nancy suddenly murmured, having thoroughly inspected Mint's look. "Mint, what are you going to do about your hair?"

Mint thought about it for a moment and rummaged around the dresser, coming up with a pair of scissors. Nancy's eyes widened, as she thought of the implications of the instrument Mint held.

"You're going to cut it? But… but… That seems a little extreme just for a disguise…"

To Nancy's relief Mint's plan wasn't the temporary mutilation of hair; only clothe. The healer cut a hole in the back of Cless's cloak and neatly tucked her hair down it, figuring that the disguise would hold up unless it was under intense scrutiny. Nancy breathed a sigh of relief.

"Good, good… I'm glad you've thought this through instead of just running after Cless… you must really be worried about him; do you think you should tell him how you feel?"

"What?" Mint asked, blushing, but Nancy could only grin and turn away, and the healer could only murmur, "Don't be silly…" Was it obvious to everyone but Cless?

A minute later Arche emerged from the other room in Klarth's outfit, with her full two or so feet of hair wedged into a massive bun crammed under Klarth's hat. It was clearly the worst of the three disguises.

"No fashion sense whatsoever…" Arche muttered, realizing how much she missed her usual outfit already. It was loose, comfortable, and attractive, she thought. In comparison, this was stiff, too loose, and her hair already felt different. But, eager to find a silver lining, she realized that victory was within her grasp. "Let's go party!"

Though Mint and Nancy had their alternative reasons for attending the party, the three of them nodded agreement, and they exited down the atairs, trying their best to look like men. Of the three, Arche looked the worst but acted the best, belting out a rather loud, not so feminine belch as the three of them walked by the innkeeper's counter. Both Mint and Nancy gasped in surprise and stared at Arche once they got outside.

"Where'd you learn to do that?" Nancy asked.

"I was bored one day…"

Mint and Nancy exchanged glances, before turning and eyeing Arche warily.

"REALLY!" She exclaimed, and the three continued on their way. Arche was the only one who knew where the place was at, so she led until she found it, before lifting up Mint's cloak and crawling under.

"Will you be okay under there, Arche?" Mint asked, not wanting to inconvenience her friend any more than necessary. Nancy checked the disguise, and though it looked as if Mint had acquired a rather auspicious hump on her back, she gave it a thumb up. It would do.

Arche's only response was to sneeze.

"I think so… But your hair! It keeps tickling my nose!"

"Sorry about that… I've always kept it that way."

"I'll live." Arche replied, before her voice suddenly dropped to a more serious tone. "But… If you do anything exceptionally un-ladylike under here, I'm getting out."

"What does she mean by that?" Mint asked Nancy, who clarified.

"I think she's saying that if you have to fart, she's out."

"Nancy! Language!" Mint admonished, as Nancy blushed and smiled cheerfully in apology. Sometimes Mint was a little TOO pure, she thought, but she was a good friend and she'd helped her meet the man of her dreams. That counted for a lot.

Under the cloak, Arche rolled her eyes, but she couldn't help grinning at what was to come. It was going to be a heck of a party. But at that thought, worry cropped into the half-elf's mind, shoving out blissful thoughts of good food, alcohol, and whatever or whoever else she could get her hands on…

Arche voiced her concerns as quickly as she could, explaining that she couldn't see anything from her standpoint, before adding, "Your caboose doesn't exactly make a good window."

Unsure about what Arche was referring to by the word caboose, Mint took the diplomatic way out. "Relax Arche, I'll walk slowly… And we'll be your eyes, don't worry."

The answer satisfied Arche, and she remained silent as Nancy led the way into the building. Mint and Nancy elected to smile their way in, but Arche could only wince, as a tiny growl in her stomach reminded her what her first priority was going to be. To Arche, there weren't any pains that bugged her more than nagging hunger; but she was to be in for a rude awakening…

**---**

"Oh no." Klarth muttered, returning to the place he'd put Cless with two dishes full of food, only to find the swordsman long gone. "Where'd he go off to now?"

Hearing excited cheers and jeers; he turned to see the strangest sight he'd ever seen. On the other end of the room, he made out what appeared to be two figures tied together at a leg, hopping and scrambling towards a line about forty feet away… or at least, one of them was. The other one was tripping, stumbling, and, in a particularly high point, rolling, dragging his partner with him. About a minute had passed, and the two still hadn't crossed the finish line yet.

Wishing he had a better view, Klarth asked one of the guests what was going on.

"Elwyn and some young kid are running the three-legged race, and Elwyn absolutely looks horrible right now… whoever his partner is has absolutely no rhythm… It's kind of weird too; I thought he looked pretty coordinated… They already have the worst time in this three-legged race contest by far…"

"Young kid? Three-legged race? Great…" Klarth murmured, throwing up his hands. "Please, please, tell me that this "young kid" has black hair. I'm having trouble seeing that far through the crowd, and you're a good deal taller."

"Nope. Looks to be around light brownish-blond from here."

"Thanks…" Klarth muttered, setting out to push his way through the crowd, and wondering why Cless was running a three-legged race in his current physical state. As he walked, he tried to disrupt the wry grin that threatened to spread across his face. This sounded entertaining, which would more than make up for the annoyance of having to drag Cless back to the table.


	2. The Bachelor Party Chapter 2

The Bachelor Party

Chapter 2

A Tales of Phantasia Fanfiction By Cremrock

_Brief ultra small foreword: Thanks to any who read, and many thanks to those who reviewed, whether it was this chapter, a previous one, or what have you. Enjoy! With any luck Chapter 3 and the Epilogue will arrive sooner than this did…_

_

* * *

_Elwyn was in hell. But unlike the personal hell he'd been driving himself into, he found that the one he was in presently was much more of the immediate type of discomfort, unlike the self-inflicting funk he'd been driving himself into over the loss of his wedding rings. 

Onehell took the form of his friends, his guests, and generally anyone who might be watching. His closer friends looked away, ashamed to let their friend see the smiles on their face, but some of his "Friends" couldn't help laughing, while others shook their heads as if in disgust, though their grins betrayed their intent.

The other was the anguish he felt at having lost the wedding rings, and the fear of what that meant.

Of course, there was no such thing as two hells, and as one might have guessed, the two hells; the immediate, and the lingering, were connected. They were connected almost as firmly as the band of cloth that connected his left foot to the right foot of the only man who could deliver him.

Elwyn could have removed that cloth and ended the torment that way. It would result in disqualification of himself and his partner, and he would've seriously considered that… But that would leave his partner to be teased and tormented himself, bereft of the protection only Elwyn could bestow, the only person everyone at the party knew and the only one that everyone knew wouldn't take it too personally.

Elwyn was unwilling to sacrifice his personal principles or his friend for the result of a quick escape; and so he grasped Cless Alvein by the arms, trying again to pull him to his feet, to will him across the finish line, despite the fact that Elwyn was certain they already had the worst race time in the party; maybe in all existence. His physical effort proving ineffective, he found his voice above the din of the heckling race-watchers.

"Come on, Cless! Please? You can do it… We're almost to the finish line…"

"Can't…" Cless whimpered, his face ruddy from the exertion and what he'd had to drink earlier. He didn't really seem to be aware of what was going on.

"Please? I know you can do this, Cless…" Elwyn tried again, trying to mentally will Cless the next five feet over the finish line. He'd tried dragging Cless, but Cless was like a stone, outweighing Elwyn by a good fifty pounds, and wasn't willing to be dragged along besides.

"I'm sorry…" Cless murmured, and it all came together for Elwyn then; Cless's expression, the way he'd labored throughout the race, the way he smelled, and most notably the way that he'd gotten it all wrong every time he'd tried to take a step in sync with Elwyn.

Elwyn looked around helplessly, and some of his closer friends waved at him as if to urge him to disqualify himself, or to throw in the towel. Most everyone else was being thoroughly entertained by the ordeal, with faces as red as that of Cless', though those were red from laughter.

Groaning, Elwyn did the only thing he could think of. He reached down, (A collective sigh came among the laughter, as they thought he was removing the cloth that joined him with Cless and thereby ending the farce) and pulled Cless to his feet, supporting him with one shoulder. He then threw himself over the finish line, bringing Cless along for the ride and ending the ordeal. He untied the cloth band and lay on the ground in a bitter, defeated heap.

As the judge read off the time, Elwyn found that he was shocked. He'd figured they'd taken at least 200 seconds, but had only clocked in at a not quite as bad but still horrible 189 seconds, as the average finishing time before their race had been 45 seconds. Weary, he sat up and looked around at the spectators, his friends, his guests.

Not one of them moved, until one man, and then another, and another, began clapping in mock amazement. Rolling his eyes as the entire crowd followed suit, Elwyn stopped to reflect what this stinging defeat meant for him. Naturally, he overreacted. He'd lost the race, and therefore lost any chance he thought he had at getting new wedding rings, and thought about the consequences of how this would affect his relationship with Nancy. He envisioned a million and one situations; all of them horrible, the wedding being postponed, Nancy being angry, Nancy hating him, Nancy breaking up their relationship. If Elwyn had actually stopped to contemplate the down-to-earth goodness of the person he was marrying, would probably have led him to realize that Nancy wouldn't have cared about the rings much anyway. But in his state the one thought that could have saved him was the furthest thing from his mind; the party had to go on, Elwyn reminded himself. He heard the clearing of a throat, and looked up to find Klarth F. Lester standing in front of him, one hand extended to help him up. Klarth was grinning, as if he'd noticed Elwyn's sour face and was trying to snap him out of his mood. The reality was that Klarth was trying very hard not to laugh, but he wasn't the kind to kick a man when he was down and after watching the latter portion of the race, figured that Elwyn had suffered enough already.

"There's the lucky bachelor! Why the glum face, um… Elwyn, was it?"

Elwyn took the hand, allowed Klarth to help him to his feet, and managed a weak smile he didn't feel.

"I was just thinking about my fiancé, Mr…"

Klarth didn't miss a beat; though he cast a wary eye past Elwyn to make sure Cless was all right. Cless was on the floor, lying there like a stone, but he was blinking and moving his arms around, so Klarth figured he would be fine for the moment.

"Lester. Thanks for finding Cless for me; he had a little bit of an accident… And now he's not quite himself." Klarth snorted, elbowing Elwyn in the ribs good-naturedly. "As if you hadn't noticed already, eh? I hope you're not too angry with him… He and I both _really_ appreciate this party you've thrown."

Elwyn cast a glance over his shoulder at Cless. A part of him wanted to snap at him, blame all his problems on the swordsman, but Elwyn was the responsible sort. He'd lost the rings, and Cless had been the one to help him by running the race with him… even though it was clear to Elwyn that Cless didn't have any business running a race in his condition.

And so, the bachelor continued his falsehood with the same weak smile. "No… it's all right. I didn't think he was the kind to drink much, though. At least, not before racing… you know."

Klarth chuckled. "It was really more of an accident… let's just leave it as our little secret, okay?" Klarth narrowed his eyes "And cheer up! It's just a race. No need to look like you've lost the world, or something! Why, I can see it in your eyes."

"Thanks for the sentiment… It's just that… What the heck?"

Elwyn's voice trailed off as he saw two new guests enter. Apparently his dad knew a lot more people than he'd thought. These two were some of the weirdest he'd seen yet.

"What?" Klarth asked, turning to look at the entrance, spying the two new guests himself. Before frowning. "They look… odd."

The first looked entirely too large to be a normal man; clad in armor, black tights, and a huge red cloak that concealed a sizable hunch in the man's back. He walked with the gait of a man that had probably broken a leg or three in his lifetime, and Elwyn wondered if he was an old war veteran or merely a mercenary his dad had once employed to protect his shipping from pirates. The other man appeared to be aristocratic; he had on a black coat and pants, and a white shirt that Elwyn thought could very well have come out of his own wardrobe. If he'd stopped to think about it, he would have realized they looked rather effeminate, but as a businessman, Elwyn was used to dealing with all kinds of odd-looking people, so he didn't give it much thought.

"Must be more guests of my fathers'…" Elwyn muttered off-handedly, wondering why these two were so late. "If you'll excuse me, Mr. Lester, I'd better go greet them…" Elwyn started towards the entrance.

"No problem." Klarth shouted in his direction. "Remember to try not to look so bad… it's your party, after all! See you later. And thanks for finding Cless for me!"

Elwyn only raised a hand in reply, though Klarth heard him mutter, "I wish it was her…" Klarth wondered if Elwyn's problems extended beyond losing a simple race. Klarth didn't know the half of it, wondering if Cless would know, or if he would be sufficiently recovered to give out that knowledge. Klarth knew well enough to stay out of that kind of business, but his curiosity would've gotten the better of him if he didn't at least have an inkling of what was going on. He watched the two new guests curiously for another moment, even though he wasn't sure he could trust his eyes since the two were so far away. Something about the armor and cloak the one was wearing looked terribly familiar, and when he scanned the face, he thought he recognized the eyes… But he'd never placed those eyes with that outfit, so he shrugged it off.

"Cless, how are you feeling? Do you know what's bothering Elwyn?" Klarth asked matter-of-factly, his back still pointed where Cless had been lying. He received no response. "Cless?" Klarth whirled around, only to find that while he had been talking to Elwyn, Cless had sauntered off again. "Damn it!"

Klarth would have loved to spend more time placing the eyes of that newcomer, or trying to figure out what was bothering Elwyn, but his priorities immediately shifted back towards finding Cless.

Ironically, without even knowing it, Klarth and Elwyn's situations had changed immensely with the addition of the two guests. Elwyn's chances of resolving his problem in a satisfactory manner had just increased tenfold… while Klarth's chances of concealing Cless's condition took a drastic swing downward. Neither of them had any idea their fortunes were about to change… But such was life.

* * *

Had anyone been distanced from their reveling to notice, they would have seen a sight rivaling the absurdity of Cless's racing exploits on the other side of the room. One of the new guests seemed to be having a problem with his (her!) outfit, as his bright red cloak kept flowing in a very unnatural manner. 

Naturally, there was a good reason for this, as the wearer of the cloak was Mint Adnade. The problem was that Arche Klaine was hiding UNDER the cloak, and crawling behind Mint. The disguise had nearly been ruined several times already, as the two girls had been having communication problems. Arche would bes resting on the cloak as Mint would move, or Arche would move before Mint did, thinking the healer was ready. Had anyone known what was going on and been able to appreciate it, it would have been sheer comedy.

Nancy had been their saving grace, as she managed the duo with patient understanding. Being the only bystander Mint and Arche had to point out when there was a gap in the disguise, she kept moving deftly around to cover the gap, lest one of the guests see the third "guest" peeking out from under the cloak. To Mint and Arche's credit they remaining patient, but Nancy got the sense that something was going to give soon.

For the third time in the past few minutes, Nancy whispered, "Don't move!" to Mint, nudging a fold out of Mint's cloak with her shoe and pretending to drop a coin so that she could check on Arche as she bent to retrieve it. She took comfort in the fact that no one had noticed the disguise yet. She lifted the cloak up and peeked under, trying not to let exasperation creep into her voice or taint her 'everything is fine up here' smile. "Are you all right under there, Arche?"

The half-elf's hair was plastered to her forehead, and whether her skin was red with aggravation or heat, Nancy couldn't tell. Suffice to say, Arche had quickly discovered what a bad plan it had been to go with the cloak. Cless's cloak was made of wool, which would have proven quite snuggly if the conditions were right and it was cold inside. They weren't.

"Can I have a drink? Please?" Arche's, voice was weak, as if she might faint at any second. It was two-thirds truth and one-third acting, but Nancy bought it, her heart going out to Arche, who truly looked miserable. Not to mention that if Arche fainted, their cover would be completely and irrevocably shot.

"We'll go to the food tables first thing, okay? Mint feels really bad about this… She thinks you should get out from under here when we can do it without attracting suspicion."

Arche's only response was to nod. Perspective and suffering changed everything; she still didn't want to be seen in Klarth's outfit, but ANYTHING had to be better than the awful heat. She was about to wave Nancy away when her sensitive ears picked up Mint whispering something desperately, hoping to get Nancy's attention. Nancy couldn't hear it over the din, and Mint didn't dare speak louder for reasons which were suddenly clear to Arche but unclear to Nancy. The witch's eyes widened as she heard Mint repeat the plea, and she shut her mouth, worried that someone would hear her if she warned Nancy verbally. Hoping that Nancy would get the hint, she swung her chin upward and pointed. All she accomplished was pointing at Mint's rear, still clad in Cless's black tights (The most revealing thing Mint had ever worn in her lifetime, and that probably included her birthday suit), but Nancy got the sense that something was amiss.

"What is it?" Nancy whispered sharply, and Arche grabbed the sides of her own face and pulled, trying to make her face look more manlike. Unfortunately, Nancy had never played charades before. Wincing, Arche pointed up and mouthed a single, two-syllable word that Nancy failed to interpret. Arche was getting frustrated enough to start screaming out a few choice monosyllabic words. The exertion made her face turn even redder, and Nancy half expected to see steam coming out of Arche's ears.

"Funny? This is no time to be funny, Arche…" Nancy began. Arche was out of options. She reached out, grabbed Nancy's nose, and smashed her face up against her own.

"ELWYN!" Arche whispered fiercely, and finally Nancy understood. Despite her lack of training in the not so subtle arts of somatic innuendo, the gal possessed quick reflexes. She got out from under that cloak and leapt to her feet just in time to see her future husband closing towards her and Mint. His face was a mask of confusion, but Nancy thought him even more handsome than she remembered him being earlier in the day. He was dressed in his best after all. She just hoped he wouldn't recognize her in his second best. He smiled as he approached, but Nancy knew enough about the smile to tell that he was just being polite at this point. The distant look in his eyes told her that he was practically running on autopilot, his mind engaged with other matters.

"Welcome to my bachelor party… is there something I can help the two of you with?" Elwyn extended a hand, and Mint clasped it. Their arms pumped slightly, but Mint's handshake was anything but firm. An awkward smile creased her face as she opened her mouth to speak, but blush came to her cheeks instead.

"Thank you!" She blurted out brightly, catching herself in all ways but one: She'd forgotten to change her voice. Elwyn's eyes shot open in confusion, thinking he'd heard the unexpectedly feminine voice before. Once again Nancy came to the rescue, trying to speak gruffly.

"He had an accident in the war… And lost his… well… Y'know…" Nancy's voice trailed off, and she glanced away as if it were something Mint would rather not talk about.

…"Vocal chords?" Elwyn asked, trying to spare the guest's feelings, and Nancy shook her head and indicated that she would really rather not talk about it.

Realizing what body part Nancy was referring to, Mint suddenly turned bright red. To her credit, she drooped her head and glanced in the other direction, and suddenly became very busy in wrapping the cloak around herself, as if she wanted to avoid this line of conversation. In reality it was to hide the fact that another set of ears had caught Nancy's words, and now a part of the cloak was quivering up and down as if someone under it was trying very hard not to laugh. It was all Mint could do to tighten it so Arche wouldn't be given away.

"He's rather sensitive about it, as anyone would be… Don't let anyone know, okay? He's usually good at hiding it, Elwyn… He's been practicing his voices, but something he gets excited and forgets." Nancy whispered to him. Elwyn understood, his years of etiquette training shining through, but then he realized that he hadn't told these two guests his name yet.

"How do you know my name?" He asked Nancy, curious. He sure didn't recognize either of these two guests.

It was time for Nancy's eyes to widen in shock, completing the set originally begun by Elwyn himself. Mint picked up the ball and ran with it, deepening her voice this time. It sounded fake, but that fit Nancy's story, so Elwyn let it slide.

"We knew you when you were very little… Your father played cards with us back in the… old days." Mint felt terrible to be lying, but she'd had to come to terms with it to pull off the deception in the first place. It was to find Cless and keep him from getting into trouble, so it was for the greater good, right?

If Elwyn noticed any of Mint's personal agony he didn't let on. In actuality, he'd figured that these two were odd enough and wanted to get away from them, the better to go in a corner somewhere and contemplate his misery. His voice drier than his mouth if he'd eaten twenty crackers, he muttered his apologies.

"Right. I'm sorry I didn't remember you two. I'd better get going now… Things aren't going as well at this party as I would like. Please enjoy yourselves and don't hesitate to ask someone if you need anything."

He smiled at them half-heartedly and turned partially away, before gazing at Nancy for a moment, thinking he recognized the eyes. Nancy stared back, worry creasing her face, before Elwyn shook his head and murmured an apology.

"Sorry. Your eyes reminded me of someone… which I find very odd… It's been a long night. Again, enjoy the party." His voice sounded quite a bit sadder than it had a bit ago, and he made no effort to hide it as he sauntered away.

Mint watched him go and spoke Nancy's thoughts out loud, displaying her incredible knack for recounting the obvious. "Something's bothering him… What do you think it is, Nancy?"

Nancy shrugged, putting a slender hand to her chin and contemplating before coming up empty. "I don't know… I'm going to find out as soon as I can, though. At least he didn't recognize us… Let's go get some food and see if we can figure it out there. We still need to check on Cless, and I'll be able to keep a better eye on Elwyn from there. Besides… Poor Arche is probably still dying under that cloak."

Mint smiled, trying to be reassuring. "I'm sure Elwyn is fine… We'll get to the bottom of it. Will you tell Arche we're moving now?"

Nancy nodded, tapped the cloak, dropped yet another coin, and bent down, peeking under again.

"We're moving again, Arche."

"Yay." Arche replied, tapping a hand on the floor and looking bored. "Good cover up on Mint's… um…" She grinned slyly. "Affliction. Byyyyyyyyy the way…" She said cajolingly, smiling with hidden knowledge. "If you're wondering what Elwyn's so upset about, it has something to do with you… he was muttering 'I wish Nancy were here' while he was walking away. Kinda cute, I suppose. Might help you solve your little mystery…"

"Really? That's sweet of him… thanks, Arche! I wonder if he thinks I can help or something… We always tackled our problems together before, maybe he needs that now!

Arche pressed two fingers together, looking around sheepishly. Though the witch had a good deal more common sense than she often let on, this wasn't her forte.

"Riiiiiiiiight… We'd better get a move on, Nancy. If people see you looking under here so much, they're going to expect something is up." Arche's stomach growled suddenly, and Nancy got the point, standing back up.

"She's ready to go." Nancy said, and Mint smiled in reply. The three began picking their way to the food tables, Mint walking as if someone had wrapped their hands around her ankles… Someone had. At the mention of food, Arche was taking no chances this time…

* * *

The trio made it to the tables a moment later without problems, unaware that Klarth was trying to track Cless down on the other side of the room. Naturally, since they'd done a good job avoiding problems so far Murphy's Law stated that there would be a problem when they got there. There was, this one taking the form of the fattest, most obnoxious guest of the party. He sneered at the two of them as they approached, having arrived at the party late himself, and was now monopolizing the entire food table. Nancy recognized him immediately as Elwyn's childhood 'friend', Gurk. 

Mint didn't see him as a problem, clumsily walking up next to him and tapping him on the shoulder, with a smile as sweet as honey gracing her face. Nancy reminded herself that she'd have to tell Mint to smile less, or smile more gruffly, or smile with teeth, or SOMETHING. That smile of hers was beautiful, but it looked too feminine for a façade like this!

"Um… Excuse me, sir." Mint asked. Gurk didn't even acknowledge her, focusing on devouring a particularly delectable looking piece of cake. Mint realized that he had left a piece of cake and was eating the REST of it. His maw alone was enormous!

Confused, because manners and politeness were always Mint's best policy, she looked up at him and tried again. Somehow that smile's sweetness went from honey to something resembling the contents of a city block sized bakery. Nancy thought it looked like Mint's face might explode with joy, and realized she'd have to ask Mint where she'd learned to smile so kindly.

"Excuse me… Could my friend and I get some food? We're very hungry, and it looks like there's plenty to go around…"

Gurk's only reply was to shift to the left slightly as if to allow her room. Nancy noticed the evil grin that spread across Gurk's face, even as Mint grabbed a plate and began filling it with everything she thought Arche would want, starting with a salad, adding a well-done piece of veal, and finally going for the last piece of cake. Gurk's hand slammed down, trapping her wrist inches from the cake, causing Mint to cry out in pain, a tear rimming her left eye. She looked up to find Gurk staring down at her, even as she put the plate down and clutched her wringed wrist.

"Why… why did you do that?" Mint asked, not understanding the problem. Gurk chuckled at Mint's tear, reveling in the fact that he could still boss people his own age around, and drive grown men (Or so he thought,) to tears. What he failed to notice was the terrible wrath that was awaiting him, or the look of pure rage in Nancy's eyes. Under the cloak, Arche was burning red too, and this time the temperature wasn't a factor at all.

He shrugged matter-of-factly, harshness creeping into his tone and mannerisms as he glared down at her. "That's mine. You've got enough, fatty. A big strong man like me needs his sweets. Look at you… you're practically crying. I'm the groom's best friend… I can do whatever I want. Get out of here or I'll tell everyone what a baby you are."

"That's not what HE would say," Nancy yelled, butting into the conversation and stepping forward protectively in front of Mint, forgetting that she wasn't supposed to know Elwyn for the moment. Elwyn had always told her what a beast Gurk had been to him when he was little, and the day Elwyn had introduced Gurk to her had been one of the worst of both their lives. Elwyn had been polite then, allowing Gurk to bully him around, but forbidding Nancy to inflict the punishment that so desperately needed to be shown this one. Elwyn wasn't one to hold grudges, but Nancy knew the pain Gurk had inflicted on her fiancé as a boy, and she wasn't about to let him do the same to anyone else. Especially when no one would know that she was the one doing it…

"Nancy… Let's not worry about this, he'll leave soon…" Mint whispered meekly, rolling her wrist around to see if it was all right. It was only a mild sprain, but her grimace only incited Nancy to higher peaks of rage. Confrontation wasn't really Mint's thing, but Nancy wouldn't be swayed, rearing up to her fully unimpressive 5'6 height. Gurk towered over her, but it was more a result of fat than an excess of height, as the measurer would've been generous indeed if he said Gurk was over six feet. (Gurk had forced that, too.

"Who do you think you are?" Nancy shouted, poking a finger into his chest and watching as his nostrils flared in reply. "This is a party; you shouldn't go throwing yourself around, you big blob! You hurt my friend!" Gurk was at a loss for words for a moment; no one had ever bothered to defy him before.

The silence ended quickly, as Gurk decided to do what came naturally. "BLOB? BLOB? I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT!" He shrieked, his voice at a much higher-pitch than could be expected. Thrusting his hips forward, he used his girth to full advantage, belly bouncing Nancy. She fell backwards and landed on her tailbone with a thud. Her groan belied her pain, but not her toughness, and she was back on her feet in a minute, rolling up her sleeves as if she was actually going to fight Gurk right then and there.

Mint tried to step in between them,.and got knocked down for her trouble, crying out in pain as she broke her momentum with the same wrist she'd sprained earlier. Miraculously, the cloak remained over Arche, even though Mint landed on top of her.

In truth, the landing was probably a good thing, for if Arche hadn't been held down by Mint's weight at that moment, she would probably have jumped out from under the cloak. It wasn't enough that Gurk was impeding their path to food, but he'd hurt Mint. Like Nancy, Arche simply wouldn't let that stand.

"I'LL SQUASH YOU BOTH LIKE BUGS FOR YOUR INSOLENCE!" He knocked Nancy down again and raising an oblong, distended foot to step on the girls, while some of the other guests watched the spectacle in horror. The party's lone guard was making his way to the table as quickly as he could, but there was no way he was going to make it in time…

Those guests failed to notice a hand emerge from the cloak to grab Gurk's foot before he stamped downward. A flash of fire occupied the slim space between hand and foot, and a moment later Gurk was hopping around screaming in pain. Arche took advantage of the chaos to scurry under the table, hoping that Nancy would do the rest.

"Cannonball!" Nancy screamed, getting to her feet, and charging right into Gurk's gut. She'd always had a good sense of balance as a little girl, and back in the days while she'd been living in Euclid, some of her most entertaining moments had been when she'd tumble up and down the hills all day long.

Already off-balance, the impact sent Gurk tumbling to the ground with a loud crash, and his head grazed the table, knocking him out cold. Nancy dusted off her hands as she rose to her feet. Underneath the table, Arche was dusting her hands off as well, but that was in anticipation of a meal.

"Are you all right, Mint?" Nancy whispered, and Mint nodded gamely, rotating her wrist a few times to show that it still worked and rising to her feet.

Around the fallen Gurk, some of the guests whistled, and a few applauded, having wanted to dine at the food table themselves but having been turned away by the fat oaf each time. Finally making his way to the table, the lone guard came up and looked at Nancy with a stern look on his face.

"What happened here?" He asked sternly. Sternness was really the only emotion he seemed capable of displaying. It was a guard thing.

"He had a little too much to drink, and tried to start a fight…" Nancy lied smoothly, not wanting to implicate Gurkany more than necessary despite the hatred shecurrently held for the man."I defended myself, and he passed out… He was really being disruptive."

The guard nodded (Sternly, as one might guess), and hauled Gurk away single-handedly. He'd have put up more of an investigation, except that he'd received complaints about _this_ one all evening and had been quite eager for a reason to kick the man out. Mint and Nancy both rolled their eyes as a familiar voice under the table squeaked, "Oooooooh, he's pretty strong…" And it was easy to imagine that the guard's rippling muscles were being observed by one pink-haired half-elf.

"Get your mind out of the gutter, Arche." Nancy murmured, glad that none of the guests had the wherewithal to look under the table. Mint walked up beside the table, glanced around to see if anyone was looking, and smoothly slid the plate she'd prepared under it. There was a pause, and a moment later Mint and Nancy both felt something tugging on their legs. The jumped in surprise for a moment, before looking around and trying to act casual.

"What is it?" They both whispered.

"Something to drink?" Arche asked in hushed tones, while Mint and Nancy tried to cover up the discrepancy in voices by pretending to talk to one another. Mint felt as though she was out of the woods at last; her disguise would be much easier to maintain if Arche wasn't trailing behind her. Nancy slid a goblet of fine wine under the table; Mint a glass of flavored, bubbling water. It didn't take a rocket scientist for Arche to figure out who had given her what, but she thanked them both just the same.

"I'm going to stay here for a bit and relax… Soak up the party… You two can search for Cless just as well without me, right? I've got what I came for… So far… Mint's okay right?" Arche said; her voice clipped as if in-between bites of food.

"Yes, I'm fine, and that sounds good, Arche… Do you want me to come back for you?" Mint asked. Arche shrugged, a whimsical, contented smile etched onto her face.

"Stop by… If I'm not here, I was either able to stomach these clothes or I had to move to not be discovered… It doesn't matter to me. And have fun! Live a little, Mint! I'll come save you if that oaf comes back." Arche's hand patted her lightly on the ankle, and Mint smiled in reply, even though Arche couldn't see it.

"I will…" She whispered, before turning back to Nancy. "Let's go find Cless and Elwyn again, okay Nancy? And… thanks for the help with…" Mint hesitated, and for a moment Nancy thought she was actually about to say a mean thing. Instead, she shrugged, and finished with, "…that guy."

Nancy winked at her. "No problem, that's why we're a team! Maybe Gurk was bothering Elwyn and him leaving will cheer him up… you never know."

The two women, bereft their backseat passenger, trotted into the crowd, while Arche sat under the table with her legs crossed and continued eating, not even bothering to wipe her vest when an errant bit of sauce fell on it. There were simply more important priorities for her right now, and the fact of the matter was that she was wearing Klarth's clothes. She reasoned she would have to do something about that if she wanted to go out and mingle with some of the guests. The outfit still repulsed her, though she was enjoying the fact that it was about as roomy as her custom-made pink pants.

But for the moment she was happy… until she realized that she hadn't tried the pie. She quirked an eyebrow, peeked out from under the table, and saw one sitting just on the edge of the table. Poking her head out, she looked all around, and grabbed it when no one was looking.

One of the guests near the table could have sworn he heard someone whistling innocently, but shrugged it off and blamed it on the two drinks he'd had that evening. Underneath the table, Arche realized she'd forgotten a knife. She contemplated going after one, realizing she'd only intended to have one piece, before she looked at the pie again and grinned to herself. It looked to her like the most delicious thing in the world at the moment... And, she reasoned, if no one had noticed it was gone already, then it was hers.

She plunged her face into the pie, a deliciously gooey blackberry one, and began chewing. After all, you only live once, and Klarth's vest was a handy thing to wipe ones' face on. Arche almost felt as if it were some kind of Halloween party instead of a bachelor party. After all, she was in someone else's clothes, and a pile of sweets was right in front of her.

* * *

While Arche, Mint, and Nancy had been battling Gurk, Klarth had continued his search of Cless, asking anyone and everyone if they'd seen an intoxicated young man race past them. So far his search had come up empty. 

A guest finally pointed him to a corner of the room, and as the guest pointed towards an ornate, finely crafted statue of a knight complete with sword and armor, Klarth smirked in triumph, realizing that only a fighter could truly appreciate it. As he'd suspected, he saw Cless wobbly admiring it… until he reached up and attempted to pry the sword from the grasp of the armor. Wondering what in the world Cless was up to now, Klarth started walking slowly towards the armor.

A loud crash shook the ground beneath his feet, and distracted, he turned around for a moment to see a sight rivaling the craziness of Cless; those two shady looking guests were standing around the fallen form of the fattest man Klarth had ever seen. He observed them for a moment, before realizing that the crash had been loud enough to make the floor shake. Getting a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, Klarth turned to look back at the statue. An "Uh oh" accompanied his fears, as he noticed how much the statue was wobbling… before he broke into a run. The new guests at the party had suddenly shifted to the back of his mind, as a much more important issue was thrust upon him. The statue looked as if it might teeter over and crush Cless at any moment, and the drunken warrior's excessive pulling on the sword wasn't helping matters. Klarth considered it a minor miracle that the statue hadn't collapsed yet.

"Stop him before he hurts himself!" Klarth shouted, hoping someone would figure out what was going on and assist, but no one paid him any heed, and so he ran on. After all, He could conceal Cless's drunkenness from Mint when he met her back at the inn, but he doubted he would have been able to conceal half a dozen lacerations and fractures. Grunting with the effort, he charged into the crowd separating him from Cless and began pushing and excusing his way through.

"Excuse me! Pardon me! Whoops! It was cheap wine anyway! Really! Nice hat, I have one like it myself… pardon me… for the love of the gods will you get the HELL out of my way! Thanks!"

* * *

Cless continued his impromptu tug of war. 

"Come out, sword, come out! It was never this hard to grasp you before…"

Hewas simply too drunk to realize that the sword was completely welded to the suit of armor; the artist who'd designed it figured it was safer that way.

Unfortunately, said artist had failed to realize how unbalanced the entire suit of armor was; a good strong pull, like the kind that came from a skilled, strong swordsman, wouldn't dislodge the sword, but might just cause the suit of armor to fall forward.

On the plus side, the statue was made of fine gilded silver and gold. The artist, never one to be chintzy, had made it of solid gold instead of gold covered lead. That meant it only weighed a thousand or so pounds instead of, say, two tons…

None of this occurred to Cless, who continued pulling and pulling, too sloshed to notice that he came closer and closer to disaster with each determined tug. He felt naked without his sword, but he was remarkably close to feeling flat with it.

* * *

Even if Klarth had had some sort of mystical, otherworldly connection with his favorite outfit and the number of stains that might appear on it,(He didn't), it would have been the furthest thing from his mind as he neared where Cless was tugging, still trying to remove the sword from the golden statue. It was wobbling an awful lot now, and but the swordsman remained oblivious, and Klarth couldn't tell if it was Cless's usual demeanor or from the alcohol. Probably the alcohol. Cless was occasionally dense, but he was still fairly bright… for a non-scholar, anyway. 

"Cless! Quit pulling on the sword! That statue's going to fall on you!" He summoner screamed, but Cless seemed not to hear. He had found his sword, and nothing was going to keep him from it.

Muttering a curse and ignoring the way his knees seemed to resemble a bowl of rice crispies, Klarth gritted his teeth and tackled Cless at the last possible moment. The two rolled away as the statue clattered to the ground next to them, cracking the floor.

Klarth rolled off of Cless and groaned. His back was wrenched but he was confident that his friend was safe and sound. Safe and sound Cless was, but his mind was evidently anything from sound, leaving Klarth to again wonder just how much Cless had had to drink. Using reflexes Klarth didn't think a drunken teenager could possess, Cless leapt to his feet and clapped his hands to his cheeks. Fear lined his eyes, which came to rest on the statue and the crack on the ground. In his own little world, the statue confirmed Cless's deepest fears and suspicions.

Klarth sat up, the look in Cless's eyes willing him to forget his own aches for the moment.

"Cless, are you all right?" Cless's only response was to continue to stare at the crack, and Klarth began to wonder if he had been injured in the fall. It wasn't that Klarth hadn't seen a first-time drunk act oddly before; it was just that Cless was displaying so much emotion and intensity.

"Cless, tell me what's…"

Cless suddenly bolted for the food tables, screaming "EARTHQUAKE!" at the top of his lungs. He'd felt the vibration from the ground when Gurk had hit the floor a few moments earlier, and figured that the vibration caused by the statue he'd pulled down was the aftershock.

Luckily for Klarth, most of the partygoers were still engrossed in the music and mingling to hear, but Klarth heard the cry quite clearly. He was able to follow the sound and watch as Cless dove under the food table, nearly knocking it off one of its legs.

As Klarth stood up he realized that several of the guests were looking in the direction of the fallen statue. In particular, one of the guests that had recently entered was staring right at him; he thought he noticed familiar eyes lined by an uncharacteristic frown of worry. The familiar red cape that Klarth thought he'd seen before, didn't look nearly as lumpy as the first time Klarth had seen it. The man was far off and out of earshot, but Klarth could swear he saw recognition in those eyes. Had he been able to read lips, he would have noticed that guest elbowing his partner and mumbling, "Was that Cless?" That would probably have been enough to allow the quick-witted Lester to realize that he was looking at Mint Adnade, albeit Mint Adnade in Cless's clothes.

Alas, Klarth had never been able to read lips, and as a result, he still had no idea. Instead, he looked up at the ceiling and groaned again, rubbing the arch in his lower back and resignedly mumbling to himself, "I'd better go get him… Now I REALLY feel like a father… I hope he stays put this time."

Dejected at how suddenly un-entertaining the party had become, Klarth put his hands in his pockets and began walking moodily to the table, still trying to figure out where he'd seen those eyes before.

* * *

On the other side of the room, Mint was wondering if it had been Cless that had blown past Klarth towards the food tables, but Nancy tugged on Mint's cape, having noticed the roped off area of the room while Mint had observed the latter portion of the spectacle. 

"Do you want to run a race? I didn't think he'd have put _that_ in the party itinerary, but I know that it's Elwyn's favorite game, and maybe he didn't do as well as he thought. That would explain why he's in such a bad mood…

"Sure." Mint replied, reasoning that Cless could wait, though she desperately wanted to see him, she trusted in her good faith that the blur flying towards the table hadn't really been Cless. It was actually rather hard to recognize Klarth without his vest, hat, and facial paint, so she couldn't eliminate the possibility that it hadn't been Klarth next to the wildly running man. Shrugging away her fears, she realized they could find Cless later. Helping Elwyn out was more important to Nancy and therefore more important to her for the moment. Nancy had helped her out, and even if there weren't a favor to return Mint would have gone along with it. She walked with Nancy towards the registration area.

Mint had little idea of knowing that one of her worst nightmares was suddenly possible under the food tables. Cless was truly drunk, and a blackberry pie-covered Arche Klaine was about to find that she wasn't alone under the table…

* * *

Two minutes… two people. The party was a blur, as was the world around them, but these two people were on the verge of the most satisfying experience any living being could know. It only took one minute for the two to feel completely and utterly bonded to one another, for all inhibitions to fall away. The time that followed was a brilliant combination of steps, turns, maneuvering, thrusting… all to accommodate a single satisfying act in anarrow space. It was a thing of beauty to behold, for it was asif the two… had become one. 

At the climax of the moment, they stared into each others eyes, at the sheen of sweat lining their faces, and…

Grinned, as a cry of "Finished!" Echoed around them.

"What did you call this again Nancy?" Mint whispered, bending down and removing the rope that had bonded her to her friend's ankle. "I can't say that I'm familiar with it."

"It's the three-legged race. I guess whoever organized the party knew it was Elwyn's favorite… I'm amazed we did so well! When I tried this with Elwyn once, we fell at least three times… I thought he'd be over here, but I guess he wasn't. And don't call me Nancy… we're men, remember?"

Mint blushed and nodded, but no one had seemed to notice. Because of that, she couldn't resist, adopting a mildly concerned look. "What will we call ourselves, then?"

Nancy smiled. "It hasn't come up so far… we'll be fine, and think of something if we need to." Mint nodded, finding the answer acceptable.

The two women turned men were ushered in front of a table, at which a very bored man in a red tunic sat, recording times and names to determine the winners of the contest, which would apparently be announced at midnight. It was evident he was an official, at least if one judged that status by the huge sign behind him that had the word 'official' inscribed on it. Behind them, a few onlookers stared in shock, as Mint and Nancy's time in the race had easily been among the best so far. They'd been amazed at how well the two had worked together. Of course, after Mint and Nancy had kept Arche concealed for a good portion of the night, a simple thing like being tied together was easy in comparison. The official congratulated them, as they approached, not even bothering to look up.

"Good time, maybe the best. I'm sure the bachelor will be happy to know people are still enjoying this… After the horrible time he ran with that drunken idiot…" He glanced up, his face neutral, and took in each of their faces. "May I have your names, Misters?

"Drunken idiot?" Mint stammered, casting worried looks Nancy's way.

At the same time, Nancy muttered, "Horrible time? Is that it?" Wondering if that was the reason for Elwyn's poor spirits.

The official, not one to be rushed in this state, nodded. "Yeah. The guy was Elwyn's partner and they ran this thing in 189 seconds… you two ran it in about 35. Of course, if you think _that's _bad, you should've seen what Elwyn's 'best friend' ran… But anyway, about Elwyn's partner… Look at this; I can't even decipher his name! It's all scribbled, which shouldn't come as a surprise given the way that oaf was stumbling around…" The official shook his head, and then looked at Nancy and Mint again, trying to get back on track. "So anyway, your names were?"

Nancy stared off into space, wracking her mind furiously, even as Mint groaned, realizing it was the one detail of their disguises that they'd completely neglected.

"Er… Names?" Mint said, struggling for time and realizing that the time Nancy had alluded to had "come up".

"Yes, your names, please." The man replied, somewhat testily. It had been a LONG night.

"Our names are…" Nancy began.

"YES?" The official asked.

"…Pat… and… Pat." Nancy finished.

The official quirked a brow in confusion, unsure if he had heard them correctly. "Pat Pat? What kind of name is that?"

"No no, Pat, AND Pat. We're both named Pat." Nancy hastily explained, and the two girls relaxed for a moment.

Their relaxation was to be short-lived. "Pat… And Pat… weird." He muttered, going along with it for now. There'd been two Miguel's at the party, after all. What are your last name's initials?"

"M." Mint said, her face a wall of stone, trying to recite the initial as if she'd used it all her life.

"N." Nancy said, with a similar look etched onto her features.

The two girls had spoken simultaneously, but at the realization that they'd both thought of exactly the same idea for their last initials, grins creased their faces as they turned to glance at each other.

Unfortunately, the official was _not_ amused. He'd had to put up with grief all day, whether it was a runner finishing with a bad time, a tie, or that disastrous run in when Elwyn and his partner had come in dead last. Or the hissy-fit Gurk had thrown when he'd failed at his race. He'd grinned then, vowing to get his revenge and that the gald would be his, but the official had paid him no heed.

"Right." He grumbled, not believing a word of it. And should I go find Pat O, and Pat P too? What about Pats A B and C?" He groaned, and Pat N rolled her eyes exasperatedly. Naturally, it fell on Pat M's shoulders to smooth the whole thing over, being the non-confrontational shemale that she was.

"No no!" Mint intoned, the grin rapidly disappearing. "Those really are our last initials! Its just coincidence, nothing more…"

She was about to go into more detail when the official's head dropped and he raised a hand to silence her.

"Whatever… I don't care if your names are Steaming Pile and Of Crap at this point… Pat M and Pat N it is. Now that I've got your… 'Names', I'd better check to see where you placed… it's only a few minutes until the bachelor has to announce the winners, and then I'm told that a very special ceremony will be taking place. You two might win, so you'd better be there"

The two girls bowed and marched a few paces away, but both their minds were on the same two people: Elwyn and Cless.

"Do you think that maybe Elwyn's upset because he didn't win the race?" Mint asked, electing to smooth Nancy's worry lines first.

"We've never won before… It didn't upset him then." Nancy groaned. "Though I was the best race partner he'd ever had, he said that once, so maybe that's what he meant when he was wishing I was here."

"Maybe so…" Mint said, not entirely convinced, but she patted Nancy on the shoulder and smiled, looking towards the stage. "We'll know soon enough, I bet. What are we going to do if we win?"

Nancy grinned.

"We'll get to see Elwyn easily that way, have a few words with him in private… It could work out for the best! What do you think Pat?"

Mint giggled in reply, unused to the name already. "Oh Nancy, stop being so silly! If we go up there, you're going to be doing all the talking… I'm going to be trying to spot Cless from up there. I still haven't seen him…" The mirth quickly vanished into another worry line, this one belonging to Mint. "What if that 'drunken idiot' Elwyn raced with was Cless?"

Nancy chuckled. "I wouldn't worry… Elwyn knows a lot of 'drunken idiots'… Company men, friends of his father… Have a little bit more faith in Cless than that; he seems like a good sort. Why, I haven't forgotten what he did when we returned to talk to Elwyn's father… Regardless of what might happen here, you know he's a good person at heart! Maybe he just… lost himself, or something. I'm sure he's fine."

Nancy's optimism reassured Mint, and the healer smiled. "Thanks, I needed that I think… Let's go over there and wait for the contest winners to be announced… I see Elwyn going up towards the podium now."

The two watched and waited, even as Elwyn began to walk up to the stage, and the musicians were ordered to stop so that everyone around could hear.

* * *

While Mint and Nancy had been three legging their way to the party record books, Arche was eating her way to a personal record. Smacking her lips and discarding the pie-pan off to her side, she felt as if she'd just swallowed a watermelon whole. A shallow moan of contentment escaped her lips as she loosened Klarth's belt, feeling like a pig, but one so wonderfully full of goodies. 

Blackberry juice stained her hands, cheeks, and nose, and she spent a moment idly licking the goo from her fingers. That was when something suddenly charged under the far side of the table, racing directly towards her. Unfortunately, it was going to crash into the biggest thing possible to stop its momentum, and Arche's stomach was the biggest, plushiest, most tender thing around at the moment.

The witch's eyes registered the sudden movement, and she thought she recognized Cless in the split-second it took before he hurtled further under the long table, unaware of her presence. Her eyes widened about as big as the pie-pan she'd just discarded, and she thrust her hands out in front of her.

"Hey! WAIT! You're going too fast!" She screamed, her disguise and hiding place the last thing on her mind, but she was too late. Arche's swollen stomach broke Cless's momentum, and he crashed into her head-first.

It was only a a cast-iron stomach and half-elven constitution that enabled Arche to spit out only blackberry juice as her face scrunched up in pain, but she would have found it infinitely preferable to the experience of sending an entire blackberry pie out of her digestive tract. As it was, the impact put her in too much pain to care, and the force of the movement sent her skidding backwards. Miraculously she remained under the table. Cless was still strewn over her, wondering what had just transpired and why he'd stopped.

Arche was in too much agony to do anything but sit straight up; the closest thing she could do to doubling over and clutching her stomach. Unfortunately, as she did it she smacked her head off the underside of the table, before her back came crashing back to the ground with a thump, one hand wrapped tightly around the top of her head, the other clutching her stomach. Her moan of blackberry-induced pleasure had given way to a groan of collision-induced pain, and she rocked for a moment with her eyes clenched shut. Amazingly, Klarth's hat had not left her head throughout the entire ordeal.

When the pain had dulled a bit and she felt she could open her eyes, she did, only to find Cless's face staring down at her with the innocent, bewildered look of a child, albeit an intoxicated one. "Are you taking shelter against the Earthquake too?" He asked with all seriousness, even if the words were a bit slurred.

"U… Ugh…?" Her eyes worked, but she'd still taken quite a blow to the solar plexus, and was simply trying to breathe. The groan touched some faint instinct in Cless, the instinct that maybe this person was hurt. Unfortunately, the instinct was a befuddled as the rest of him, in his current inebriation.

"Are you injured? I'll save you! I saw my mother do this once!" Arche figured he was going to put a hand on her head to check her for a fever, so she rolled her eyes and prepared to accept the lunacy, still in too much pain to move. The pain multiplied about three or four times, as Cless abruptly pushed on her stomach twice and cupped his mouth over hers, trying to breathe air into her. Naturally, being not at all in need of CPR (or the Tales equivalent of such,) Arche started choking, and Cless eased back a bit, his drunken look of concern giving way to a drunken smile of success; truly thinking he had saved a life. Arche continued coughing, but her eyes glared daggers at him. His breath had been awful from the alcohol he'd consumed earlier, and though Arche had daydreamed about Cless kissing her in some errant fantasies, the act was almost certainly NOT what she had in mind.

"What's gotten into you, Cless?" She hissed, poking him in the chest, finding it as firm and muscular as she'd assumed it was underneath all the armor he normally wore. She would actually have been overjoyed to find Cless if it wasn't for the fact that she wasn't quite over the pain he'd inadvertently inflicted on her, and acting so oddly on top of that.

Cless blinked, as if he hadn't heard the name in a long time, and looked around confusedly. It seemed to snap him back to some form of reality.

"I don't… know? I feel all warm inside, and dizzy, and…"

Cless belched in mid-sentence, and Arche knew she had her answer. She glanced around to be sure no one had heard them under the table, and leaned in to look him straight in the eye, as a tiny smile creased her face.

"You're drunk, Cless. Completely and utterly drunk. Do you even remember what you were doing five minutes ago?"

Cless shrugged, before a sudden thought crossed his face, and of all things, he started to cry. "What'll I tell Mint? I swore I'd never do anything like this… I don't like it…" He groaned, burying his face in his hands, and Arche simply shook her head. There apparently wasn't a single drop of lead in Cless's heart of gold, but as she began to build the frameworks of a plan in her head, she realized that it wouldn't hinder her much. She hated to take advantage of Cless's condition, but she knew she was going to have to if she wanted to pull this off. She patted him on the shoulder, dusting it off a bit. She didn't want Cless in trouble with Mint any more than she herself would've wanted to be in trouble with Mint.

"Don't worry about Mint… She's an understanding person… You won't get in trouble…" Cless was nodding as Arche reassured him, before Arche fired away with the point of her deliberations. "We simply won't tell her about this little event, okay?" Not surprisingly, Cless's head moved from an up-down motion to a left-right shaking motion.

"I can't do that! It'd be dishonest! I can't believe I did this… I don't even remember why, or how…" His eyes began to rim with tears again. Arche hadn't expected it to be _that_ easy. She grabbed him by the collar and pulled him close, staring into those eyes of his. Caught up in the sudden intimacy of the moment, Cless stared back at her in shock, too surprised to cry.

"Arche, what are you…" He said, embarrassed by the rash action and confused about EVERYTHING. Her voice was almost an excited squeal.

"Tell me where you got drunk. There's something I need to do. You wait here, and I'll go, uh… talk to Mint about it. She'll understand."

"I think it's all over at that… table… to the left of this one."

"Right." She pushed him away, having found the answer she'd wanted, and winked at him. "Be back in a minute, 'Kay?"

Cless hung his head, too ashamed to even look up or contemplate what Arche had in mind. "Okay."

He didn't even see her leave.

* * *

Klarth continued his purposeful stride towards the table he'd seen Cless scurry under when he noticed something odd; the tablecloth was swaying, almost as if someone or something had just crawled out the other end. From his vantage point, he couldn't see if it was Cless, but assuming that it was, he groaned and began to walk around the table. To his great surprise, it wasn't Cless that emerged from under the table, but instead a short man who was rather exotically dressed. He had to stop and admire the man's fashion sense for a moment, as it looked pretty damn similar to something he could foresee himself wearing, admiring the outfit from the ground up… until he got to the hat. 

He _knew_ that hat, every inch of it, from the rim, to the not quite pointed but not quite round top, to the band laden with symbols and tokens. His confusion was compounded as he realized just how loose the clothes looked on the man, almost as if they didn't fit. And the oddly effeminate voice that greeted his ears, as the hat-wearing man smiled at a guest that was regarding him coldly and explained that he'd dropped a fork under the table.

It all hit home when the hat-wearing man excused himself and practically flew to the adjoining table, the one with the beverages. Klarth blinked once, hoping he was just imagining what he was seeing, but as he saw the figure scoop up several mugs of beer and make a mad dash back to the first table, half giggling, half grinning, he knew that the way the "man" was acting was in accordance with his suspicions…

…Not to mention that Klarth didn't know any man who had pink hair, as in the man's frenzy to get to the beverage table, a few locks had slipped out the back of the hat. That was no man at all; that was Arche Klaine. Klarth would've bet fifty gald that Cless was with her, since he surely couldn't have scurried away from the table, and why else would Arche go back under it?

Klarth didn't know if any supernatural being was listening, but it didn't matter, as he shrugged resignedly and glanced up at the ceiling as if to say, "Why me?"

By the time he glanced down, Arche was back under the table. Glaring, he strode towards it, intending to scare the living hell out of her and to finally rein Cless in. He thought it seemed a fine opportunity to kill two birds with one stone.

* * *

Back under the table, Cless was confused. Again.

Arche had returned, and she quickly thrust two mugs of liquid into Cless's hands, smiling all the while.

"Drink these! You'll feel much better! I talked to Mint, and she said it'd be okay!"

Cless wasn't convinced, as he sniffed the mugs, before looking up at her warily. It was pretty obvious that he was oh-so-slowly beginning to sober up.

"They smell funny. Like I did before…"

"That's because they're magic! Look, I'll prove it to you…" She grinned, and held up her own mug, indicating she wanted Cless to follow suit. "Down the hatch!" Cless didn't look entirely convinced, but he was still in a suggestible state, so he did as Arche asked. He did it again. And again.

Arche was a magician, but even she knew that she'd only been able to pull off her deception because Cless had already been drunk. She'd managed to convey to him that she'd had three mugs like he had; the reality was that she'd only had one, and had used the empty mug for the other two swallows.

She could get smashed later; right now she had to go through with her plan.

"Whooooooooo… are youuuuuuu?" Cless slurred.

"Your buddy." Arche replied, smiling. "You have to go to the bathroom now; I'll make sure you get there okay!"

She indicated an exit, and Cless dutifully crawled out, as she prepared to follow. She hoped he knew where it was, as he seemed to be heading in the right direction…

* * *

It was sheer coincidence that Klarth happened to be peeking under the table at the exact same moment, only from the opposite end. Confused, and not the least concerned about his dignity after chasing Cless everywhere and anywhere, he crawled under the table for a closer look and still found nothing. 

Peeking out, he saw what looked like a pair of brown shoes on the other end of the table; roughly the same kind he wore. Grinning wickedly, he reached out to grab Arche's ankle,remembering howeasily she startled if the morning's events had been any indication...

* * *

Grimacing, Elwyn strode up to podium, calling for silence. Elwyn opened his mouth to speak, but hesitated, tightening his lips and trying his best to smile. Most of the partygoers didn't notice that it was being forced, but one in particular did. 

Nancy's concern was continuing to mount. If Elwyn really had been bothered by the race, he wouldn't have looked miserable for this long. There was a pile of gald behind him, locked securely in a safe, but he kept glancing nervously at it, then back to the crowd. There was no reason for him to look so upset… was there?

At that point, Nancy didn't just _want_ to win the three-legged race; she prayed she'd won. More than ever, she wanted to have a talk with her beloved, because he looked absolutely miserable.

Again, Elwyn opened his mouth to speak, but the voice that every suddenly heard was nowhere near Elwyn's tone.

"KYA!"

One-hundred and one heads whirled around in the direction of the scream, only to see one of the strangest sights the party had had yet; as someone with very pink hair. (For his, or _her)_ hat had flown off when she jumped. Arche spent a moment staring at all the people as hushed gasps exploded behind her, before she sprinted for the door that led out and charged through it as fast as her legs would pump, cheeks reddening with mortal embarrassment.

"Oh my… Was that?" Mint began.

"Yes." Nancy groaned, slapping a hand to her forehead. She'd have felt sorry that Arche had apparently been found out if it wasn't for the fact that she really, REALLY wanted to get to Elwyn. But Arche was her friend, and in the name of friendship, she felt she had to at least watch in bewilderment as she scrambled away.

It got weirder, as Klarth emerged out from under the table, shouted, "YES!" and grabbed his hat, placing it on his head and looking entirely too smug. The hat gave him a remarkably outlandish appearance, at least when combined with his finer clothes. The summoner pumped his fist once in a most uncharacteristic victory pose, before realizing that all eyes were on him, including Elwyn's from the podium. He wilted under their glare, and in a rare moment, both his cheeks flushed bright red as he realized that he'd picked the appropriately WRONG time to pull his trick on Arche. If he'd yet realized that Mint was there too, he would have seen her eyes glaring daggers too. Scaring people was, after all, a not so nice thing to do.

Klarth took a step back, and grimaced, taking his hat off and holding it in both hands. This was almost as bad as that dream he'd had where he'd been all ready to forge a contract with his first summon spirit… before looking down and realizing that while he had his ring of contract all right, he'd somehow shown up for the affair in his underwear. Naturally the Sylph spirits had commented on the heart-embroidered boxers, especially since they matched the hat so well. His subconscious never forgot the hat. He started inching for the bathroom door, the blush of his cheeks not diminishing in the least. "Heh… I have to go to the bathroom… um… sorry about… that." He muttered in low tones, before his inching turned into a full out sprint. No one stopped him.

Mint nudged Nancy gently.

"Did you see Cless with him?" Came the predictable request.

"No…"

"Good… I think."

Unbeknownst to Mint, Cless had miraculously made his way to the bathroom in the chaos.

At the podium, Elwyn cleared his throat and finally began to speak, and the 101 pairs of eyes whirled to look back at him, the incident not forgotten, but inappropriate to discuss at the moment.

Nancy had never ignored her husband before, and she didn't try to this time. Just the same, most of the introductions that Elwyn gave went through one ear and out the other, before he began the magic words, casting another nervous glare at the gald as he did so.

"And the winner is…"


	3. The Bachelor Party Chapter 3

The Bachelor Party

Chapter 3

A Tales of Phantasia Fanfiction By Cremrock

_Usual Foreword/Rant: Here's the last chapter (Excepting the Epilogue), folks! My apologies for it taking so long to be polished and finished, as I got blitzed by college work, but, as my favorite saying goes, "Better late than never,", I suppose. Enjoy! -Cremrock_

* * *

Though the looseness of her pants normally revealed the fact, the witch Arche Klaine was well known for her slim, petite form. This was as much a result of a finicky pituitary gland (It didn't really enjoy flying so much as the rest of the witch) than it was a matter of exercise, as flying by itself didn't really keep the calories away. Fortunately for the half-elf, magic was quite the capable exercise regimen, and even if it hadn't been, with the way Arche had a tendency to flit around this way and that, the laws of physicality would surely have made an exception. Unfortunately, for all her magic, even Arche couldn't change the laws of physics. As a result, she found herself stuck through a window that was too small even for her, as she tried to get into the bathroom of Elwyn's party. Not surprisingly, she ranted incessantly about Klarth F Lester, hoping it would provide the motivation she needed to squeeze through.

"That jerk! I can't believe he…" At this the witch paused, grunting with the effort. "Did that to me! He's screwed EVERYTHING…" As if to accommodate her anger, the window frame Arche was trying to force herself through suddenly splintered. The resulting crack resounded through the room even as the window frame widened slightly to accommodate her hips. "…Oops." She wiggled a bit, trying to get the rest of the way through the window. The sound that followed the crack of the window was the tearing of fabric. To Arche's half-elven ears, this sound was one of victory, as it meant that Klarth's pants were becoming shredded and torn. The hard part finished, Arche slithered her way through the window with only her calves and feet still outside. "Haha! Got it! I'm just as svelte and flexible as ever… WAH!"

Unfortunately, her impromptu victory pose had caused the window frame to crack further and fall inward. The next thing she knew was on her face in a heap; her head and chest planted on the ground; her lower body plastered against the wall. Were there any innocent bystanders, it would have appeared as if she'd slid straight down the wall face first.

The witch flopped over with a groan and rose to her feet, realizing that she wasn't alone, judging from the loud snore echoed from one of the stalls. "Stal"l probably wasn't the word for it, since they hadn't been invented yet, but there were two walls and a drawn curtain for privacy. Curious, and pinching her nose (Just in case), Arche peeked in to find Cless fully dressed, sitting on a chamber pot, and sleeping like a baby… figuratively and literally, as he was sucking on his thumb. Arche couldn't help but snicker.

"Awww… look at the cute lil' Cless… I wonder if I should wake him? I still have to get him out of here before Mint finds out just how drunk he's become… "

She stopped to think about it for a moment, glancing downward and noticing just how shredded Klarth's clothes had become. Though far from indecent, she certainly wasn't going to be looked upon without suspicion if she went out in public. On top of that, her party disguise had already been recognized, and she had aspirations to go back to the party after taking care of Cless, though her return would have been impossibile in the clothes she wore at the moment… Tapping a finger to her temple, her eyes trailed up and down Cless's slim, muscular form. Purely, PURELY coincidentally, they lingered there. But her eyes held no lecherous intent while they studied the fine clothes Cless was wearing, clothes that just might conceal her female form. Arche selectively ignored the fact that this was because she wasn't particularly "well-endowed", as Klarth would put it.

A plan in mind, she took it upon herself to start removing them; after all, there were certain visual side benefits to doing this as well, and as Cless slept soundly, he didn't seem to care… And she certainly didn't mind…

* * *

Steeling himself to read the winner of the three-legged race contests, Elwyn found himself squinting at the card and wondering if he was seeing double.

_"Pat M and Pat N? What the hell? Must be more friends of my father's… I certainly didn't know any Pats growing up. A Jamie, an Erin… or was it Aaron? Must've been Aaron… this IS a bachelor party after all…"_

A pang of regret drew Elwyn's attention to the throng in front of him, and he was reminded why he felt so miserable. His life was ruined, he kept thinking, unless he could convince the winners to donate the gald to his own cause, and he felt that there were moral implications involved in that. He considered trying it, but only as a last resort. After all, it was their hard-won gald, and he'd _had_ his shot… and blown it.

The light went out of his voice as he reflected on these grim tidings, but he still announced the winners as clearly as he could.

"Pat M, and Pat N are the winners… Please come up here and be recognized…"

As Elwyn glanced back to the gald again, he wondered if there was some other way he hadn't considered, but before he could consider the possibilities he had to produce a smile as the two winners as they approached. He recognized them as the two guests that had shown up scarcely a half an hour before.

The first winner smiled faintly as he stepped aside to let his companion go first. "He" was the one with the outrageously long cloak and the rather effeminate voice Elwyn was confused by the gesture: After all, they both had to have had an equal hand in winning the contest. Elwyn was even more confused as he noticed what he considered to be sheer relief in the second winner's eyes, eyes that again gave him the feeling that he'd gazed deeply into them many more times than just now. It was funny, but in addition to those eyes he thought that the shirt the man was wearing looked a lot like the other one he'd considered wearing to the party; the one he'd left behind on his dresser after his friends had dragged him away… Unbeknownst to Elwyn, Nancy had taken the shirt with her in her wedding plans.

He remained deep in thought as he helped the two onto the stage; so deep that he failed to notice that a fat, familiar looking face suddenly popped up in the crowd with a nasty gleam in its eyes…

* * *

Just as Klarth had thought the wrapped downswing of his enjoyment at the party couldn't get any worse, he opened the bathroom door and immediately heard a familiar voice. This prompted him to slide against the wall and listen, though he didn't spy the owner of the voice yet. Of all the people he didn't want to see for a while, this one had to be the worst, as he recognized Arche's voice. How had she gotten back in already? But when he heard what the voice was saying, Klarth wondered if his problems had become a lot worse.

"Oooooh… they're so big, Cless! I never imagined!" Arche's voice lilted past the curtain that concealed the second stall with something that Klarth perceived as excitement, and Klarth's eyes widened in response. Resisting the urge to charge in, he hesitated, and heard the swish of a garment sliding off. His worst suspicions supposedly confirmed; he took a moment to steel himself.

"Oh… My… God…" He mumbled. Grimacing for a further moment, he regained his composure, and his eyes narrowed in determination. Confidently he stomped up to the curtain, throwing it aside to find Cless sitting there asleep in his underwear, and Arche in a similar state of undress, holding Cless's pants. There was clearly nothing sensual about whatever Arche was doing (Or else she was REALLY bad at it, Klarth mused), but he'd had his line for the confrontation already picked out.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" Klarth screamed, even as Arche jumped back in surprise, before narrowing her eyes and putting her hands on her hips, still holding the pants. To Klarth's amazement, there was absolutely no sign of modesty on her face; almost as if she didn't think she'd been "Caught in the act" at all. Which made sense to Arche since she hadn't; at least not in the literal sense of the word.

"Putting on some clothes!" She fired nonchalantly. "What were you doing back in the party room? Everything was going fine before you pulled that little trick at the table…" She pointed at Cless with one hand. "I almost had him out of here!"

Klarth bypassed the last question in lieu of continuing the bickering that he'd begun, glaring back at the half-elf. "Putting them on? It looks more as if you're, oh… TAKING HIS CLOTHES OFF TO FULFILL YOUR PERVERSE, LUSTFUL TEMPERAMENT!"

Now Arche's face really _did_ flush with embarrassment, somehow going past the pink hue of her hair and deepening until it was almost blood red, and she took a step backwards, clearing her throat. Unfortunately, she tripped over Cless, making an awkward grab to try and brace herself on the wall before toppling over him.

Naturally, Klarth used it in his favor; he'd studied his rhetoric, after all, and knew that sometimes grasping at straws and blowing them out of proportion was the best way to win an argument. Mirald had used the strategy on him to great affect…

"See? You can't get enough of him! Even now, you just want to feel the pulse of his heartbeat against your own, while you…"

"It's not like that at all! It's just that…" Arche stammered, trying to get off of Cless and pull his pants onto herself, having realized that she was still in a moderately embarrassing state of undress, and knowing that Klarth was quite a bit more perverted than he let on. She'd seen his reading material, after all. It was unfortunate that she didn't think to use it in her rebuttal, but she was too off-balance to think straight. Klarth's reappearance wasn't part of her plans.

Flashing a faint smile, the summoner decided to lend a helping hand. "…You can't wait to get into his pants?"

Arche stared at him in exasperation, even as she continued to try and pull Cless's pants up her legs, wondering why Klarth hadn't figured this out before. "That's what I've been trying to tell you! YES! I mean…" She paused for a second, noting the ear-splitting, smug grin that grew on Klarth's face. She realized what she'd said. "DAMN IT! That's not what I meant!"

"Sure it isn't…" Klarth taunted, looking away so Arche couldn't see the smirk that remained. He was enjoying this exchange entirely too much, if only because it flustered the normally flippant Arche. Defeated for the moment, she changed her tactics.

"Why can't you just leave me alone? I'm only trying to help Cless…" She whimpered, trying to let a crocodile tear slip down her cheek.

Klarth looked away, and for a moment, Arche thought that her lay-on-the-guilt approach was working. He turned back, and looked at Cless again, as if regarding him with sympathy, before returning to Arche.

"While you're 'helping', can you 'help' me in that way too? I'm a little tense…"

The stinging slap that ripped across Klarth's face was worth it, but even he had to raise his arms in defense as Arche tried to two-hit combo him, going for a bop on the head and a (she missed, but if Klarth had been hit, he'd have known) knee to the groin.

Klarth was laughing too hard to mount much of a defense. "Ow! OW! I was kidding! Kidding!"

"SURE you were… and you accuse me of being the bad one… pervert."

Despondent, Klarth threw up his arms and looked at Cless again. "Well, it's not like I'm taking your clothes off! And what are you doing in mine, anyway?"

"Will you just listen? I can't get him back to the inn and then go back to the party without his clothes! Now that they know that I'm not a guy… I have to wear his clothes, after I give him mine… er… yours."

"You're still thinking about the party? With him like this?" Arche's eyes lolled, rolling around before settling on Klarth again.

"Of course… Nancy and Mint and me, we came here to look for Cless… If Mint finds out that he's drunk, she might not forgive him, even though it probably wasn't golden boy's fault… I have to go pretend I haven't seen Cless, and then we can come back and find out that he left the party early, so that he could sleep like an angel. I'm taking him back to the inn to put him to bed, and then I'll be back!"

"…That's your plan?"

"Yup. Pretty good, huh?" She paused for a second, having finally gotten into Cless's pants, and now buttoned his shirt around her, before pointing a finger at Klarth in an accusing fashion. "It's working so far, despite you screwing it all up…"

Klarth ignored the blame, before deciding that it might be best if he and Arche joined forces, as he didn't want Mint to find out about the whole affair any more than Arche did. "Ehhh… Well… How about if I take Cless back to the room? This party is getting dangerously out of hand, and, well…" Klarth's voice trailed off, and Arche flashed a knowing grin. She'd been a happy, bouncy, loving, holy terror as a child, and though she hadn't had any siblings, she'd received enough scoldings from Lia Scarlet's parents to know how these schemes worked; someone else always got blamed instead of the actual victim.

"He got drunk on your watch, so you're worried Mint will reciprocate all over you, right? And you're worried that she will keep such a close eye on you that you won't get to have any fun for the rest of this journey, eh?" Arche very much doubted that Mint would do such a thing, but she knew she only had to appeal to Klarth's perspective. The look on Klarth's face told Arche all she needed to know, so she finished dressing herself (Klarth put Arche's…_his, _he reminded himself, clothes on Cless) as the witch made for the door, wearing the blue shirt and fine pants that Cless had originally entered the party with, though that seemed to be days ago.

Klarth actually watched her leave for a moment, before realizing how heavy Cless might be. "Hey! Where are you going? I can't get him out the window by myself!" Arche began skipping away merrily, pretending to ignore his pleas, before a sudden thought crossed her mind. Maybe she _could_ derive a bit of pleasure from this incident.

"Okay, okay, but I get to push him out the window while you're pulling him up." She explained.

Klarth failed to grasp her reasoning. "That works, since I need to be out of here anyway, but…" Klarth glanced back at Cless, and his eyes narrowed in confusion. "…Why would you request such a circumstance? It'd be easier if I pushed, since I'm stronger…" Arche smiled all-knowingly again, as if Klarth just wouldn't understand.

Klarth just didn't get the idea that Arche would have to "grab the tush and push", as it were. Cless continued his blissful slumber, unaware that he was being passed out the window… Or that Arche was groping his rear end as he was pushed out. With Cless through the window, Arche and Klarth, in a rare moment of kinship, exchanged thumbs up. Klarth slunk hurriedly down the street as he dragged Cless with him. Arche skipped merrily away to see what she'd missed at the party, figuring that now she could be up to a bit of "no good".

* * *

By the time Nancy, Elwyn, and Mint recognized Gurk charging through the crowd, Gurk had long recognized them. The massive mound of flesh was none-the worse for wear from his earlier incident, though his foot was bandaged. He was steaming mad; his eyes containing the kind of blazing rage that could only be held by a charging dragon, and in his own twisted mind, he'd had good reason to be.

Unbeknownst to Elwyn, Gurk had managed to intimidate the judge of the three-legged race to disqualify everyone that had signed up before; but when Nancy and Mint had arrived, they'd taken Gurk out of the picture, interrupting him in the middle of his perceived victory meal. Afterwards, they'd participated in the contest and won it to boot. With the lump hauled off to the authorities, the judge hadn't seen any reason not to list "Pat M and N" as the rightful winners, particularly since their time of 30 seconds had SHATTERED Elwyn and Cless's time, to say nothing of Gurk's time.

Of course, none of that mattered now, as Gurk was charging towards them quickly enough to make Elwyn wonder why he hadn't shown that kind of speed during the competition. There were muscles coated in fat, not the other way around, and at his current velocity (Coupled with his girth) even Cless would have had trouble stopping the giant without the use of deadly force. Just the same, Nancy tensed, wondering if she would have to slug Gurk the way she had attempted to earlier at the party, and Mint briefly considered casting a barrier spell, though her disguise would easily have been blown then.

It was to Elwyn's great fortune that Gurk stopped in front of the three of them, huffing and puffing, his cheeks reddened either from anger or the exertion it had taken him to move such a small distance with such a great speed. Nancy and Mint exchanged puzzled looks, but Elwyn merely looked Gurk up and down, even as the crowd around them gasped at the interruption, familiar with the "fight" Gurk had had with Mint and Nancy earlier.

Elwyn decided to be civil, though in his heart he wanted to deal with Gurk even less than he wanted to deal with the gald. "Yes, buddy?"

Gurk growled, rearing himself up to his full height and glaring at Nancy and Mint as if they were in the wrong, before explaining itself. "They cheated! I demand a rematch! We shouldn't give away all that gald on one little race!"

Mint just shrugged and smiled awkwardly, but Nancy's eyes blazed with anger. She was about to march up to them and speak, but Elwyn beat her to it.

"Gurk… you lost fair and square, and this paper shows that you clearly lost… Just like my team did." His voice cracked slightly as he realized he was admitting defeat and that there was no way he'd be able to get the gald to buy new rings before the wedding. Gurk knew it, as Elwyn had come to him with an impassioned plea to lend him the money if he'd won the contest several hours earlier, before he'd spoken with Cless.

"But Elwyn…" Gurk began slowly, smiling all the while as if his anger had suddenly disappeared. Such manipulative tactics were his specialty, after all. "…Didn't you say you needed this gald because you lost your fiancé's…" Out of the corner of her eye, Mint saw Nancy stiffen, the wind suddenly removed from her sails at the reference to her. "…Wedding…ring? Don't you think she'll leave you if you don't have it? If I won it, I could give you a loan…"

Lost amid several sharp gasps from the crowd was one shrill voice murmuring, "Ouch! He did what?" No one else seemed to hear it, but the voice belonged to Arche. The witch, upon recognizing Gurk's voice, had contemplated running up to the stage in the defense of her friends, but had decided to stay put at the moment. Besides, the food and beverage tables were completely empty, with everyone else arranged in front of the podium. It wouldn't take much to cast a lightning spell from where she stood anyway, and Gurk was certainly deserving of one, If she deemed it necessary.

On stage, Elwyn grimaced, unable to think of a response. He'd have grimaced a lot more if he knew whom he was standing next to. Nancy was still frozen in shock, waiting to see how Elwyn reacted, while Mint contemplated this turn of events.

Elwyn stammered, trying to reply to Gurk's statement. But it was Nancy who stood beside him, and though Gurk's words had affected him in bringing the terrible truth out into the open, Nancy wasn't saddened. On the contrary…

…She was pissed. She strode forward to stand protectively in front of Elwyn, seeming to grow a good inch or two as she stood up straight, leaning forward and glaring at Gurk, hands on her hips. Gurk's statement had held the answer she'd been looking for, and she put it all together, bright girl that she was. Elwyn was worried about upsetting her because he'd lost the ring, which explained the reason he seemed in such poor spirits. Contrary to leaving him, she'd have cracked him upside the head if she'd thought he thought so little of her as for her to leave him because of a silly ring; but it was evident from the tone in Gurk's voice that the oaf had been manipulating Elwyn to feel as badly as he did.

"Do you have something to say, you cheater?" Gurk asked Nancy; knowing the crowd would be behind him for a rematch, out of sympathy for the groom to be. She sensed the shift, and though she didn't care one whit for the crowd's support, knew it might be the best way out of the situation. After all, Gurk had shown a capacity for violence before, and she doubted he'd be so easily stopped this time.

"Yes…" Nancy growled, turning to glance at Elwyn, before swinging her gaze from Gurk to encompass the entire crowd. She was pausing for words, and exhaled softly, trying to let her rage cool so that the bigger meaning of her message would shine through. This wasn't the kind of thing she was used to, speaking straight from the heart.

"I don't know how many of you know Nancy, but I've heard that she's a sweet, loving woman… with possibly the greatest fiancé that a woman could ask for…"

Elwyn blinked in confusion, wondering how in the hell this person who he didn't even remember could step up to the plate for him and Nancy, but he remained silent.

"…I don't think she cares at all about the ring, because I'm not…" Nancy fidgeted abruptly, and Mint grimaced, but she caught herself and no one seemed to notice. "Er… she's not one to judge someone on material possessions! Why, when she met him, she was disappointed because she was worried he wouldn't talk to her because she didn't have much money… And then they had to deal with the father of the groom, and they convinced him that their relationship was the right thing, and I think that… if two people can get through all those obstacles, and still love each other just as much, then Nancy shouldn't and wouldn't care if the ring she was getting was made of gald, diamonds… or wood. Love isn't about some silly rock or precious metal! Love is about the general caring, the companionship two people have… I don't think Nancy would care about this gald at all, even if it could buy those rings… Elwyn shouldn't worry about it… Because they've both already got the greatest treasure in the world. I don't think she's in this for the money… I know she isn't." She glanced around at the crowd, some of them notably moved by her words, and grinned, pointing a light finger to poke herself right in the chest. "At least, that's what _I_ think."

Elwyn looked down at the ground with a quizzical look on his face; but his cheeks were blushing red. How could a complete stranger have described his history so eloquently? How had he forgotten the very spirit of the woman he planned to marry in a few days?

Mint started to applaud softly, and members of the crowd began to follow suit, moved by Nancy's words… although, feeling that the situation had defused, one pink-haired member of the crowd snuck away to sip at an unattended wine bottle. No one seemed to notice, as they'd been captivated by Nancy's speech. Nancy smiled proudly and stepped back, thinking her work done.

Gurk fumbled for an argument of his own, perhaps to sway Elwyn to see things his way again; to force a rematch… And then, he had it. He stepped forward and pointed a greasy finger at Nancy, who stopped in her tracks and regarded him. "Wait just a second, you! It's only natural that you'd be saying all these things… you just want the gald for yourself! Just like Nancy, contrary to what you would say! Why else would she see something in Elwyn…"

Gurk realized what he was saying and shut his trap, but it was too late, and for the first time that night, Elwyn was incensed, as he jumped to his feet and glared at Gurk. His faith in his love had been restored, but at Gurk's retort, the crowd started to wonder again. As much as some of them might have hated to admit Gurk _did_ have an argument, at least if they assumed that the stranger defending Elwyn and Nancy really was just after the money. But Gurk had also crossed the line at his comment about Elwyn, and he knew it.

"I didn't mean it quite like that…" Gurk began, realizing that he had an even slimmer chance at the gald if Elywn didn't believe he was a friend.

"You… You…" Elwyn stammered, his face beet red, finger pointing squarely at Gurk.

Gurk merely snorted and threw his hands out, trying to press the advantage he had left. Rallying the public to support him was the only way he was going to succeed, now. "Look! He can't even speak! He _knows_ I'm right!"

Elwyn took another step forward, looking as if he would tear his childhood 'friend' apart with his bare hands, but Nancy held up a hand to stop him, smiling coyly. Gurk didn't anticipate the response at all, as confusion crinkled his piggish visage. Nancy had decided that it was time to pull the only trump card she'd had left, one that she _knew_ would work. It was time for the party to be over.

She wheeled around and grabbed Elwyn in skinny arms that belied her strength, to several shocked, confused stares from the audience and a snort of surprise by Gurk, to say nothing of the look on Elwyn's face. He wasn't sure whether to struggle, but the wink the man holding him gave him somehow convinced him to do nothing, as if he'd seen the wink before. It put him at ease.

"Gurk…" She began, "You raise a mildly convincing argument… but..." She turned her head back to smile at Elwyn. "I think I know the bride-to-be a little better than you do, and she's _nothing_ like the woman you just described…" Nancy paused for affect. "Now get the hell out of here before I get really, really, mad."

Elwyn opened his mouth to ask for an explanation, thoroughly confused by the stranger at this point, and wondering why he was in his arms. Gurk opened his mouth to reply, and that was when Nancy turned and kissed Elwyn full on the lips. The act had the desired effect, as the entire crowd stopped and stared, Gurk included.

For a moment Elwyn's eyes widened in surprise, and he shrunk away, before he realized that he knew those lips and more importantly, knew those gentle, liquid eyes that lay upon him. He'd gazed into them so many times on moonlit nights, in his family's estate, in her family's shack, and somehow he knew exactly who was standing in front of him.

"Nancy…?" He whispered, making the name a question. Nancy nodded; smiling the sweetest smile she could muster, while marveling as the entire days' worry seemed to disappear from her beloved's face. How had he ever forgotten what was really important in a relationship: unconditional love? They were about to steal another smooch when Mint coughed in a less than coincidental manner.

The two parted; only to see that approximately fifty-five pairs of eyes, Gurk's included, continued to stare at them in shock. No one said a word; that is, except for a slightly drunken, slurred voice belonging to the fifty-sixth pair of eyes, which were pink in hue. Nancy's speech had taken a fair amount of time… and Arche had had a fair amount to drink.

"WHOOOO! Now here's some entertainment I can get… **hic… **Into… Take it off, boys!"

This comment prompted the fifty-seventh pair of eyes to be obscured by a pair of hands, as Mint covered her face in embarrassment at Arche's antics. None of the eyes mattered to Elwyn and Nancy, hands clasped together, as they smiled at the rest of the crowd. In the silence, Gurk suddenly snapped out of his shock, shrieked, "I knew it!" And ran for the gald, grabbing it into his chunky arms and running for the window as fast as his stumpy legs would carry him.

The tinkle of glass shattering didn't disrupt the happy moment, though Gurk wound up tearing a good chunk out of the wall with him.

No one seemed to care, though Mint wondered if she should do something heroic. She made for the window, but Nancy motioned for her to stay put.

"Let him go… consider the gald enough for him to be out of Elwyn's hair forever." She grinned, before grabbing Elwyn and pulling him back towards her. He wasn't getting away that easily, not after what she'd gone through to reach him during the party.

As Mint watched the breadth of Nancy and Elwyn's smiles, she couldn't help feeling as if she'd helped heal one of the most important things she'd helped create. And, she mused, if this was what Bachelor Party's were like, maybe parties weren't so bad after all!

One particularly bold member of the crowd stepped forward, he was one of Elwyn's old friends from the boarding school they'd both attended; and it was he that ultimately broke the crowd's silence that followed Gurk's departure.

"Um… Elwyn…" He began sheepishly, a bead of sweat dripping down his face, his cheeks reddening slightly, "Everything's cool and all… It's your party… and we all respect you and anything you might… um… want to do before you're a married man tomorrow… but why are you kissing that… guy?"

"That's no guy, that's my fiancé." Elwyn replied pointedly, as if that explained everything. He was on such an emotional high that he hadn't realized that the rest of them had no idea Nancy was really Nancy, and instead just saw him giving passionate kisses to another guy, which made quite a few of them just a bit uncomfortable. Mint stepped forward besides Elwyn and Nancy.

"I think maybe I should explain…" Mint began, before removing Cless's cloak with a flourish and eliminating her disguise. She was secretly hoping Cless would recognize her now and come up to see what was going on, possibly while she delivered her explanation.

"We… well… Nancy and Arche and me anyway… Were bored and wanted to see what all the fuss was about; and I wanted to visit my friend Cless…" She stopped, craning her neck around in vain, but didn't see him return her look, since he wasn't exactly there. "…And then we saw that Elwyn was upset and knew we had to help him and… Um… We won a race! And now we're here, and that's…" She pointed at Nancy. "Not a guy, but really his fiancé, and that guy over there, that pink-haired one with the bottles… oh my… is really our friend…" She squinted in disbelief, and her cheeks reddened. "Um… Our friend… Arche… She's the one sitting there… wearing the punch bowl on her head and trying to take off… oh dear… Excuse me."

Mint paled and stepped down from the stage. She sprinted for the table, where the inebriated witch was putting up quite a fuss about something for anyone who was around to hear.

Nancy and Elwyn's could only stare for a moment, before Elwyn decided he'd better take care of the guests before everyone turned to see what was going on with Mint and Arche… He wasn't sure who would win the battle.

"Go home, and thanks for attending! The party's over… I expect to see all of you and your significant others… at the wedding, okay?" He was about to continue his dismissal when a cry of,

"LEAVE THE CLOTHES ON? BUT I'M SO HOT!" Echoed from the beverage table, followed by Mint's frantic whisper.

"Arche, Arche! You're in public… Calm down… Be a good… girl… please?"

Mint didn't have much experience with this sort of thing, so she was basically repeating verbatim the way her mother had calmed her down when she was a child. Unfortunately, as an obedient child to begin with, she didn't quite grasp how hard it would be to calm down someone who was disobedient.

Nancy grimaced, let go of Elwyn's hand and ran over to the table to assist with the continuing struggle. Finally free of most interruption, Elwyn continued his dismissal while ignoring the shrieks of protest that were coming from the table.

"Gift-bags on the left on your way out… No, not that left! Yes yes, that's the way… keep everything moving…" More voices interrupted Elwyn's edict as he continued to try to direct traffic both towards the doors and away from the table. He smiled awkwardly, as Mint and Nancy shouted behind him, resisting the urge to turn around and watch what was going on.

"Hold her down please Nancy! I think a purify spell will work… I hope…"

"LET GO!" Arche screamed, flailing her legs.

"OW! Arche, quit kicking! Hurry up, Mint!"

"Be good to your families… Yes yes, I'll make sure there's rum at the wedding tomorrow Captain… No, there will be NO female entertainment… Good night… Keep moving, nothing to see here…"

"Purify!"

"LET GO!"

"I guess it didn't work, Mint…"

"Y…yeah…" Mint stammered, shocked that, for the first time in her life, she'd actually failed to cast a spell. Arche squirmed away, and for a moment, she was ignored, as Nancy let out a resigned sigh.

"Maybe we should just let her do whatever it is she's doing until she calms down?" Nancy was frustrated at this point.

"N… Nancy! She's going to run around naked if we let her!"

"So? All the guys except for Elwyn are gone… And he's not a lecherous sort… I… think…"

Elwyn jumped in to pat his fiancé's shoulder reassuringly, having ushered out the last of the guests. "Of course not!"

"But… What if she got out to the streets?" Mint explained. "They're not always of a pure heart out there…"

"True…"

Elwyn slipped away, returning with a bottle he'd produced from somewhere in the back. To be specific though, bottle wasn't really the word. For one thing; it was much thicker and broader; kind of like a jug, though it still had a long neck. It looked to contain about a gallon of whatever it carried, and Elwyn was very careful in his approach, holding it in both hands.

"I think this will work. I planned to use it if Gurk got out of control with the drinking and all, but it turns out that we didn't have to worry about it. It's um… whatsit… a sleeping potion!"

Cautiously, Mint motioned for it, pulled out the cork and sniffed it, before turning away and making a face despite trying very hard not to.

"What… is it made of?"

Elwyn shrugged.

"Don't know. But it's the world's greatest sleeping potion. You take a sip of that; you'll be out for quite awhile. It's harmless though, as long as you take it in liberal doses…" He placed the jug down on the table with a heavy **Thud**. "Unfortunately, this is a liberal dose for Gurk."

Mint appeared to seriously consider it for a minute, but no matter how much she might've wanted to do it, her upbringing and conscience wouldn't let her take such an underhanded easy way out.

"I don't know if… well… drugging Arche is an answer…"

"The guy who sold it to me said it wasn't harmful; they use it to quiet patients that might otherwise injure themselves by moving; or on rowdy patrons. I don't really remember which." Elwyn replied.

"But Arche isn't hurt, and it doesn't seem very nice to do so…" Mint began. Nancy ran up behind her and shook her shoulder frantically, having kept a wary eye on Arche as Mint and Elwyn debated the ethics of the procedure.

Urgency tinged her voice. "Mint! Mint! Arche's almost got her belt undone! She started on that when she couldn't figure out how to unbutton her shirt."

"I'll take it!" Mint finished. "Give it to me; I'll find some way to make her drink it. How much should she take?"

Elwyn thought about it for a moment, before scooping a mug off the ground and filling it with the jug's contents, about 1/4th of the way full. "This much, I would imagine. I'm not really an apothecary or anything." Needless to say, he didn't sound entirely sure.

Nancy tackled Arche; trying to keep her from undoing the final loop in the belt she was wearing. The two held an impromptu wrestling match for a moment, while Elwyn regarded Mint, whose eyes suddenly burst wide open, a slight smile on her face.

"Silly me! Elwyn, we won't need to use the drug… that wasn't purify I cast, it was…"

Arche abruptly stood up; arms bulging with strength that Nancy didn't think the witch possessed, and Nancy found herself at Elwyn. "WHOOOOOOOOOOOA! Help, someone!" Nancy shrieked, even as Elwyn scrambled, dropping the jug and the mug, which shattered into pieces on the floor. .

"…Sharpness…" Mint finished, wincing and running over to heal Elwyn, who'd caught his fiancé but somehow sprained his ankle in the process.

Arche let out a wild whoop of victory, and ran away, prompting Nancy, Elwyn, and Mint to stare at each other helplessly.

"I really think the purify spell will work…" Mint murmured.

A loud crash echoed from one of the back rooms.

"If we can catch her…"

"Maybe she'll just wear herself out…" Nancy mumbled half-heartedly.

"The last time she drank that sort of stuff, all she did was go to sleep, or so Klarth told me…" Mint murmured helplessly.

"Just the same, if you guys find a way to attend the wedding; I hope you won't be offended if we don't let her drink anything…" Elwyn began.

"You'll have to take that up with her, Elwyn… I wouldn't mind, but Arche can be very hard to say no to… By the way, have you seen Cless?"

"Um… Well, I did run the race with him, but that was quite a while ago… Mr. Lester said something about an accident and him drinking a little bit, but I don't know much about that… I know he didn't do anything bad on purpose though, and he really worked hard to help me out with the… er…" Elwyn glanced at Nancy sheepishly. "Ring situation."

He looked as if he wanted to say more, but Nancy would have nothing of it, patting his back and interrupting him. "Don't worry about it; our wedding will be fantastic regardless, because of who I'm spending it with." She smiled at Elwyn.

"THAT'S RIGHT! ME! QUEEN OF THE ELVES!" Arche screamed from atop the podium, interrupting the sweet moment.

Elwyn, Mint, and Nancy glanced at each other, the breath leaving their lungs in the form of a worn-out, collective sigh, as Arche made the statement again and leapt through the hole Gurk had exited through.

"I think I'm ready to try that potion on her, Elwyn… If it has any adverse affect I'll just heal it anyway…" Mint explained, utterly defeated.

* * *

Love can be a silly thing sometimes. Just when you think it's gone, you find that it's back, and sometimes when you've given up all hope, it returns. Such was the case for Klarth F Lester's hat. Klarth had trudged into the inn dragging Cless behind him, half-heartedly throwing his hat onto the hat rack so that it landed right next to Mint's hat. Though Klarth's hat wasn't much for conversation, it was still the most gorgeous hat Mint's hat had ever seen. For now, that was enough, and a relaxing night for both hats beckoned, since neither of their owners was wearing them (Though Klarth's hat wondered why it'd spent most of the evening on the head of that snippy, pink-haired little girl. The hat and Klarth apparently agreed on a lot of things.)

On the opposite side of the room, Klarth was propped up in a chair, realizing that his "day off" had been anything but relaxing. The party had been enjoyable until Cless had gone crazy and Arche had showed up, but what had drained him most of all had been dragging Cless through the streets and up the inn's flight of stairs. He was a summoner, not a mathematician, but if he had to figure it out: he reckoned that he'd been enjoying himself for about an hour and wishing he was back out on the road for the next seven. It was only now that he could sit in the chair and curl up with his tome, having put Cless to bed. The book was anything but light reading, but it suited him, and he got to spend so little private time nowadays, repeating its eldritch symbols until they became second nature. He was tempted to take a private trek down to Euclid to view his library and visit Mirald, but had overheard that the sea was calm, and that they could leave for Thor tomorrow.

Cless had tried to read his tome once, and had asked Klarth why it was written backwards, prompting Klarth to explain that they weren't backwards letters, but mystical symbols. Arche had done nothing but tease him about it, since she "didn't need to use that sort of nonsense" to invoke her magic. Klarth had testily retorted that Arche had needed to find her own books of spells to memorize; but it had never been a problem for Arche, ever since Edward Morrison had lent her his esteemed book, "Cliffnotes for the Arcane". Arche was bright enough to digest the spell books by themselves, but "Why work when you don't have to?" had been her philosophy.

Klarth actually agreed with it, but he was the only summoner on the planet, and so he'd rejected Morison's partnership offer to write, "Cliff notes for Summoners". At the thought of Arche, he grimaced and wondered if he should have the hat washed.

Arriving at a particularly boring part of the tome, Klarth decided that that was as good a spot to stop his practice. He put his hands between his head and was just about to doze off when he heard the sounds of someone coming up the steps, prompting him to straighten in his seat. He wanted to look casual to greet the newcomer, though he had a pretty good guess that it would be Mint. Arche tended to take steps two or three at a time when she didn't have her broom, and the sounds were of a quieter sort. Mint was always quiet.

The door swung open, and Mint marched in. The healer appeared in the most miserable condition Klarth had ever seen her in. She was drenched in rain, worn out from her walk, and was carrying something wrapped in Cless's cloak, slung over her shoulder. The armored portion of her disguise was dented, and there was dirt all over her, as if she'd been in a fight. Klarth resisted the urge to burst into laughter, though the corners of his mouth raised ever so slightly. Had it been Arche, or even Cless, he wouldn't have tried to contain it, but he found it impossible to not feel bad for Mint. Besides, he contemplated; maybe she'd been mugged, and then there wouldn't have been a laughing matter at all.

"Rough night?" He asked, immediately regretting it, since his eyes revealed the truth well enough.

In a most uncharacteristic response, Mint merely grunted and set the bundle she was carrying down with precise care. With the exertion she seemed to express putting it down, he concluded that it was heavier then it looked; yet she'd set it down with the grace of a elder cat. With that as evidence, Klarth didn't even need to ask Mint where Arche was.

"Makes you think it's made of reinforced steel, you know?"

Mint's face crinkled in confusion. "What?"

Klarth pointed to a corner of the room, where Arche's broom lay. "The broom. She's heavier than she looks, so isn't it logical to presume the broom is made of more than simple wood?" Klarth grinned, trying to get Mint to smile at his joke.

Mint shrugged, ignoring the question. "It wasn't so bad... Cless was heavier. I had to carry him once… Arche was like a holiday compared to that."

Klarth smirked, recalling how much easier he'd thought it had been to conduct Cless home. "I'll have to disagree with you there… Having carried them both, I wonder what makes her so heavy…"

"What do you mean?" Mint asked, unable to recall a time Klarth had had to carry Cless, and Klarth realized he'd slipped up.

"Um, nothing… So what did you say happened at the rest of the party? I figured when I saw Arche that you were there… And your outfit seems to indicate that you snuck in the same way she did, if I may be so bold."

"It's a long story… Nancy was there too…" Mint motioned towards Arche and her bedroom; never thinking of herself even when she was physically exhausted. She stooped down to grasp the witch's ankles. "Grab her arms, would you? I think she needs to get some sleep…"

"Right…" Klarth said, hoisting her up and being careful not to bump Arche's head off the door. "So, what happened? How was the party? Arche told me everything right before I left with Cless."

"Really…?" Mint's face crinkled in confusion, as she tried to piece together what she remembered from the night. "She told me that she hadn't seen you when I asked her if she knew where you and Cless had gone off to… Though I guess she was a bit… indisposed at the time, as Nancy and I had finally cornered her on the streets."

"_Shit._" Klarth thought. _"What's with me tonight? I almost blew it TWICE already. If Mint finds out what Cless did, she might be heartbroken… When'd I become so sentimental?"_

"Now now, can you really trust what Arche says?" Klarth said, looking at her sinisterly and hoping Mint would buy it. "She looks rather… out of sorts right now. You still haven't told me what happened…"

"Arche got a little too into the party near the end, and afterwards we had to chase her through the streets …"

Klarth moved to unwrap the cloak, and a stinging slap suddenly met his hand. He looked up to see that it was Mint herself who had given the blow. She winced slightly as if in apology; she really hadn't meant to strike him so hard! But the long day had taken its toll, and Mint was as close to breaking as Klarth had ever seen her.

"Don't unwrap the cloak! She's not exactly decent under there."

Klarth figured that that was as good a reason as any to continue unwrapping the cloak, but he wasn't about to try it with Mint watching him like a hawk. He acquiesced, leading the way into Arche's room, holding the bundled witch by the legs. Klarth couldn't resist the urge to comment as the two placed her in her bed.

"Is that twice she's run around naked in a single day?"

Mint groaned. "Well, I don't think she meant to do it either time… She's just very…"

"Exuberant? Promiscuous? Stupid?"

"Silly. I wonder how she'd have turned out if she'd had her mother around."

"Probably the same… It doesn't matter, since we'll never know."

Mint nodded her agreement, and a sardonic smile creased her face. "Yeah… Is Cless asleep yet? I wanted to check on him… I heard some rumors about what he was doing at the party… I wanted to make sure he wasn't really drinking anything he wasn't supposed to..."

Unconsciously, Klarth began to sweat, but if Mint noticed, she didn't show it. "Sure, he's sleeping like he did the day we fought Gnome… I remember he was running all over the place trying to get the little SOB…"

"Good… I'll just be a moment." She tromped off, leaving Klarth alone with Arche, who snored softly. Klarth couldn't help but note that she didn't appear to be dreaming, recalling the last time he'd heard her dream. She had snuggled into the cloak, and the cloak billowed around her more like a normal blanket, much like her hair, which Mint had thoughtfully allowed to roam free.

Klarth turned away to leave the room, before a primal, sinister urge crossed his mind. He glanced back at Arche, who continued her snores, looking almost angelic, so peaceful was her face. Klarth shrugged. So fate was trying to tempt him, was it? Well, he wasn't going to back down from the challenge… Rather, he accepted it willingly. Mirald would understand, though he'd never willingly let her find out. He was just undergoing a visual, scientific investigation concerning the anatomical differences of half-elves! Just a peak, after all.

He leaned over ever so carefully, and took a pinch of the cloak in his hands, preparing to lift the makeshift blanket and embark upon his own personal peep show for no more than a few seconds. Slowly. Quietly.

"_Just a tug, and a slow, methodical lift, and…" _

Unfortunately, just as he was pulling the cloak back, Mint's voice broke the silence, startling him and prompting him to pull on the cloak, though not one bit of Arche was revealed.

"Whoa!" Mint screamed, the sound coming from somewhere behind him.

"Blast!" Klarth shrieked, looking to his left frantically, praying that Mint was still in Cless's room and not in the doorway.

The doorway was indeed vacant, and Klarth breathed a sigh of relief... Until he turned his head back to see Arche sleepily opening one eye and pulling the cloak back towards her. Arche hadn't relinquished her blanket, and the cloak was much larger than Klarth had anticipated, but as that eye glanced at him and closed lazily again, he froze. He was about to leave when Arche started mumbling, and his heart skipped a few beats as it accelerated to critical mass. Klarth F. Lester did NOT like surprises. The one he got next was a whole lot worse than the normal kind, though.

"Klarth… My sweet…" Arche murmured dreamily, tugging the cloak back towards her and rolling on her other side, "You're hogging the blankets, and it's so cold… Mmmm…"

Not wanting to acknowledge the words, nor willing to process what they might have meant in Arche's subconscious, Klarth turned, his face looking as if he'd just thrust his hand into a bucket of ice water. He wanted to scream, though he wasn't sure whether it would be out of disgust or fear. Mint would have surely heard him as he did, so he was content to leave his mouth wide open in the parody of a scream as he ran out of the room. As soon as he crossed the doorway, he closed his mouth and jogged into Cless's room, trying to appear as if he'd come urgently to Mint's side.

"What…" His voice squeaked, and Mint looked at him curiously, the urgency he'd heard in her voice curiously non-existent on her face. Swallowing, Klarth regained his composure, and his voice regained its edge. "What is it?" He said, more deeply this time.

"What's wrong?" Mint asked, noting the exertion on his face and the speed with which he'd come into the room, not to mention the fact that Klarth seemed a bit unsettled. Klarth was the most "settled" person she knew.

"You called me." Klarth retorted, unsure what to make of all this. He had joked about being old, but he was only 29… was he going senile? Maybe summoning made one eventually go crazy. He'd never looked up the specifics on it, but…

"No… I didn't… I just tripped over something…" Mint explained, frowning, before she nodded towards Cless. "But now that you mention it, why is Cless wearing your clothes?"

Klarth said nothing, the realization of just how badly he'd screwed up masking his face, as his mouth dropped wide open. He'd forgotten to change Cless after he'd brought him back to the room, living proof that Arche and Cless had swapped disguises… if Mint could figure it out.

"Klarth? Are you all right?" Mint nudged him gently, knocking him out of his thoughts.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine… What did you ask me?" Klarth replied, hoping that her answer would bring denial.

"Oh." Mint smiled sweetly. "I was just wondering why Cless was wearing your clothes… Couldn't he find his pajamas or something? You know, those ones with the horses on? Your clothes don't seem to fit him very well… I didn't think you had more than one set."

"What? Oh, yes… many sets of those clothes…" Klarth muttered, mumbling something about 'close calls' that Mint barely heard.

"What?" Mint only stared at him and Klarth realized his relief had been a bit too loud. She glanced at him another second, wondering if he was hiding something, before shaking her head and looking back to Cless. "Help me get him changed into his pajamas, will you? It might not seem as… improper if he's sleeping in those, and he's wearing things underneath, right?"

"Right…" Klarth hesitated, remembering Arche's reaction to Cless earlier earlier that night. "You're not going to enjoy this, are you?"

Mint snorted, looking offended. "Don't be silly. That's why you're here… Maybe I'd be tempted to give him a hug or something if you weren't around… I think I sort of… um…"

Klarth rolled his eyes; eager to take Mint away from wondering why Cless wasn't dressed in his real clothes. He'd been expecting this for awhile, and although he would normally have preferred to bequeath his wisdom on love to Mint at another time, decided that _anything_ was better than her finding out what Cless had been doing.

"You don't have to explain it to me. You're sweet for the guy. You've been watching Elwyn and Nancy, and seeing them so happy together has forced you to assess the men in your life that you might have that sort of attachment with. Right? And it's clear that you don't have any sentiment for me, and I have my dear Mirald anyway, so that leaves Cless, right? And I get the sense that you've felt that way for awhile."

Mint looked down at the ground, cheeks becoming rosier and rosier, wondering how Klarth had explained it so clearly. "Right." She tossed Klarth the pajama pants, and he continued working, wondering for the umpteenth time that night how he'd become the patriarch of the group.

Finishing the pants, he chuckled and turned back to Mint. "I figured it was something like that, when Arche told me you were so desperate to find Cless at the party, but didn't say anything about me… Not that I can't take care of myself, but…"

Mint blinked in surprise. "How… did you know?" Mint asked, handing Klarth Cless's shirt. Cless remained asleep throughout the changing, much as he had earlier. Klarth didn't understand the nature of the question, and turned back to Mint, grinning. Did he have to explain that most of the aspects of Cless and Mint's budding relationship were so obvious? He failed to realize that Mint was referring to Klarth's knowledge of Mint's fears at the party, rather than Klarth knowing that Mint had a "thing" for Cless.

"That? Well… I've just been around longer than you, or Cless, or Arche. An older gentleman picks up on a few of these things… Besides, you always heal him first. Maybe it's because he's… and I use the term broadly… our shield, or our leader, but I figured that wasn't all it. That was part of it… It's obvious to me, which is ironic I think…" He looked up to see that Mint had acquired a sour expression on her face, looking more motherly than anyone Klarth had seen. Unfortunately, it wasn't the nurturing, loving kind of motherly look; it was the pissed-off, "What did you get into now" type of look. Klarth knew that look. Mirald usually used it on him when she knew he'd screwed up. He shut his mouth the way he would have had Mirald trained the glare on him.

"_Uh oh." _

"Klarth F Lester…"

"_Great. Mirald always uses my full name too."_

"…That's twice now you've said you talked to Arche at that party, while she was pretty adamant that she hadn't ever talked to you. Earlier you said you and Cless had left the party early and hadn't really seen us at all except for that one incident you pulled on her… which is it? What aren't you telling me? Why aren't you telling me? And why is Cless REALLY dressed in your clothes?"

"_Next time I need to get my stories straight with Miss Poofy Pants. Damn, damn damn. What now? You've got to think, Klarth! She just said she feels for Cless, admitted it even… will she accept the truth?"_

Klarth beckoned towards the main room of their quarters, where the table and its inviting, protective chairs sat. He was trying to speak soothingly, which was a sharp contrast from his usual voice.

"How much do you love Cless?" He murmured innocently.

Mint pondered the sudden question, her anger diminishing. She certainly hadn't expected to be faced with something like this! "I don't know, I've never been in love before, but… a lot, I guess." She smiled slightly.

Klarth exhaled, hoping that this would be easier than he thought. "Good." He pulled out a chair for her to sit in. "Sit down."

Mint acquiesced, and Klarth began to explain the entire thing.

Cless Alvein dreamed of simple things; swords, and friendships, of Mint, his family, and steak, and bread (The two major food groups). He'd have dreamt of Chester, but that had been a recurring nightmare in which Chester had _begged_ Cless to let him try the "Shoot an apple off of your head" trick. Not having to deal with that nightmare, he slept on peacefully, now clad in his favorite pajamas, unaware that he hadn't even gone to sleep in them.

Arche Klaine dreamt of complex things, or whatever suited her fancy. Her subconscious wasn't something that would take no for an answer; it would come up with the dream, and she would shut up and acknowledge it for whatever it was worth. She didn't quite know why her subconscious had conjured up a massive, animate Teddy Bear that held the name "Klarth", or why it tried to hog all her blankets, for she was in the world's largest, most comfortable bed in her dream. Everything was fuzzy, and she enjoyed snuggling with the "Klarthy Bear" into a secure pocket of warmth. She'd have enjoyed snuggling with the "Klarthy Bear" even more if she'd known how her subconscious murmurings had driven Klarth crazy, as the real Klarth had perceived she was dreaming about something sexual rather than something… snuggle-ful.

And so, Arche and Cless were a pair of blissful dreamers, worn out from the party, a bit too much drink, and an unforgettable set of circumstances. It seemed as if not even a thunderstorm would wake them, nor even a hurricane. Heck, an Indignation spell might not have worked.

As a result, it took two seconds for both of them to bolt upright in bed and drive all the clouds of liquor from their heads, as Mint's thunderous, uncharacteristic scream of,

"YOU DID WHAT!" Echoed through the Alvanista inn.

After a lifetime of trials, and a night full of every harrowing experience known to the patient-minded healer, Mint had finally reached her breaking point.

Suffice to say, given the present state of everyone concerned after the "day of relaxation", it was time to go to Thor, even if the innkeeper didn't kick the four of them out the next morning, citing rowdiness and "disruptive noises" late at night.


	4. The Bachelor Party Epilogue

The Bachelor Party

Mini-Chapter/Epilogue

A Tales of Phantasia Fanfiction By Cremrock

_Foreword/Endword? Did I just invent a word: With this epilogue,the Bachelor Party is done. Thanks to all who read it, and I hope everyone enjoyed reading the entire story as much as I did writing it! Also, my further gratitude to any who review/reviewed already. -Cremrock_

* * *

Their boat left the following morning, and a few hours into the journey, Cless found himself standing next to Mint, looking over the edge into the water. He was trying to teach her how to skip stones in hopes that it would help her forget about her seasickness, but unfortunately, all it did was make her focus on the rolling, tossing, tumbling, and turning. She humored him anyway. Cless had brought a big bag of stones from the shore, and they were taking turns winging them into the water. Cless went first.

Skip skip skip skip splash.

Splash.

Skip skip skip skip splash.

Splash.

Skip skip skip skip skip splash.

Splash.

Skip skip skip skip splash.

Skip splash.

"I got one!" Mint cheered, and Cless grinned.

"I knew you'd get one eventually!" He handed her another stone, forsaking his own turn to allow her to keep whatever "rhythm" she had gotten into. She looked at it for a second, and then accepted it with a weak smile.

"Thanks."

Splash.

"Phooey." It was as strong a curse as Mint had ever uttered.

"Don't worry, you'll get the hang of it eventually…" Cless said, trying to be reassuring. Chester told me once that it's all about the energy you exude… How happy you feel… though I don't know if that's true or not, you can't get discouraged!"

Mint nodded, tossing another stone into the water. Another splash, followed by a faint sound of disgust from Mint.

"It took me a really long time, too…" Cless explained. "Watch me again." He turned, and whipped the stone into the water.

Skip skip skip splash.

Mint just watched, not one to complain, but the look on her face told Cless she was less than pleased. Normally she put a good face on everything, staying quiet through their adventures, but Cless cut her some slack. She was sick, after all.

"What's the matter, Mint? Besides the, seasickness, I mean."

"I wish we were back at the wedding. Elwyn and Nancy really hoped we'd be able to attend… Though we have a job to do, its kind of saddening knowing that we might not ever see them again… If what we do in Thor succeeds…"

"Are you sure you want to be back there?" Cless asked, slightly despondent. "After the way I screwed up last night… I'm really sorry about that. I had no idea what was in all those little gummies…"

Mint turned away for a moment, taking her turn to throw a stone. The throw was terrible, but somehow the stone appeared to manage a tiny skip, before connecting with a wave.

Splash.

"Yes… we helped get those two together, you know. And I already told you that I don't blame you, or anyone for what happened to you at the party… I just think we could've avoided a lot of a mess if Arche and Klarth had just come forward about the whole thing… Mistakes happen… I was just concerned for your well-being. And last night, I was really tired in addition to that." She offered another weak smile, though it'd have been stronger if she didn't feel quite so sick. "I don't heal you all the time just for kicks, you know."

"…Thanks. I really appreciate that. You know, I don't think either one of us really wanted to go to that party… but I guess it was worth it… I never really asked you how you felt… about things."

Mint gasped. Where had _that_ come from?

"Klarth went and told you? About… about…" Mint's face flushed, and she looked around nervously. She hadn't quite intended to tell Cless that she harbored an affection for him yet; she could never find the words, never say it the way she wanted to say, and she never had much time to worry about that sort of thing while they were journeying.

"If I say yes, will you kill Klarth?" Cless joked, throwing another stone into the water.

"No, its okay, it's just… I kind of wanted to tell you myself, and…"

A crescent not unlike an awkward smile formed on Mint's face, one that Cless matched.

"Don't worry about it… I feel the same way, I think. This is really kind of a new thing, you know?"

"Yes…" She uttered softly in reply, turning away to throw a stone in the water. It was her turn, after all.

Skip skip skip skip skip splash.

Cless blinked in disbelief, and then smiled even wider at Mint. "See? Not bad!"

Mint merely chuckled, turned, and looked straight at Cless, her eyes sparkling rather than lolling left and right with the horizon. "Well… I did have some help… If that 'happiness' thing you said about Chester is true." She glanced around for a moment, looking unsure of herself, before turning her gaze back to Cless, a gaze that Cless matched.

That was when Mint did something entirely unexpected by either of them, poking Cless lightly in the nose, though she wasn't exactly sure why the urge struck her. Much to her own surprise, Cless opted not to shrink away, smiling again after his faint look of surprise. Without even thinking about what they were doing, the two of them edged closer to each other. Their eyes, contrasting pools of blue and light brown, directly reflected into one another…

…Their lips were about to touch, when a sudden cry from above snapped them out of their trance.

"HEY! What are you two doing over there? Skipping stones? Can I try too?" Arche shouted from atop the crows' nest.

Mint and Cless pulled away suddenly, Mint blushing bright red at the thought of what she'd been about to do, in public no less. Cless seemed equally embarrassed, though he was pretty sure he'd been thinking the same thought Mint had… That the moment, or what they had been about to do was so _right_, too.

"Mmm… No offense Arche, but we're kind of having a private conversa-" Cless began, but it was too late, as Arche had flown down to them, snatched a stone and whipped it into the water with a flourish, throwing her entire body into the gesture. She hadn't even bothered to dismount her broom.

Skip skip skip skip skip skip skip skip skip skip skip skip skip skip skip SPLASH.

The interrupted almost-kiss suddenly became the last thing on Cless and Mint's minds, as they both stared over the horizon at Arche's handiwork. Mint blinked in disbelief, wondering if she should cheer, before she felt seasick again and swirled her eyes down to the deck. Cless's reaction was slightly more instinctive, and not at all what Mint would have suspected. He'd been taking a few more "lessons in life" from Klarth, and Klarth's latest "scholarly advice" (as he'd put it) had been a lesson in language.

"HOLY F-"

Mint slapped a hand over Cless's mouth before he could finish the oath.

"Bad language!" Mint admonished, and Arche couldn't help but smile at the chaos she'd caused, flexing one of her chicken wing arms and making a mock muscle. She could explain to the two of them how magic could be utilized to cheat in a skipping stone contest after they had acknowledged her as the queen of stones, or the skipping thereof, as she hadn't even used magic that time.

Quite unlike herself, Mint continued to explain to Cless that the language Klarth had told him he should use wasn't the most appropriate in the world, though it seemed clear to Arche that Mint wasn't really angry. The witch couldn't help glancing away, but a sad smile formed on her face. She'd seen something she hadn't really wanted to see, or at least believe, even though every bit of her understood that what she had seen was right, that didn't mean she had to like it.

"Arche? Is something wrong?" Mint asked from behind her.

Arche spun around, grinning the way she always did when she was up to mischief, banishing the sad smile away. "No, not at all! Watch this!" She picked up another stone, preparing to fling it into the water as hard as she had the first, though she had to spare a final thought to what she had seen.

"_Mint… I'll have to explain to you the way to REALLY plant one on a guy… I can't go seeing you OR Cless not enjoying every moment of a first kiss because of inexperience…_"

She flung the stone into the water, and the sad smile flickered a second time, which was most unlike her. As the stone bounced, Arche wondered if some things were better left to be discovered on their own, Cless and Mint's private experience among them. The witch most certainly wasn't sure how she felt about it, but she smiled it away; that was something she could worry about at a later day, and she began a bizarre victory dance as the second stone skipped even further than the first, clasping both hands overhead and raising them in victory like a champion.

Cless was about to ask how she'd skipped the stones so far. Klarth interrupted the three of them by tapping his foot impatiently on the upper deck. He'd emerged from the cabin a moment ago. They looked up; well, two of them, anyway. Arche readied another stone.

"The captain has informed me that we're just about over Thor, but we'll have to hurry, as another storm is on the horizon and the ship needs to turn back soon. Are you all ready to…"

Skip skip skip skip skip skip skip skip skip skip skip skip skip SPLASH.

"Are you DONE?" Klarth asked Arche, glaring while he extended one arm with a flourish, already focusing himself to the task at hand. "The spirits don't wait, you know, and as I was saying, we need to get to Thor before another storm hits. The captain says there's one on the horizon, but we'll be all right."

"How will we get there?" Cless asked, always concerned with the details. Klarth smiled.

"Watch and learn, my young friend… **Ahem**… UNDINE!"

There was an overall gasp of silence from the crew and its captain, who had been watching the group, and then… nothing. Klarth looked around confusedly, then pulled out his tome and clutched it protectively.

"Ooooooooh! Aaaaaaaaah!" Arche whistled, giggling. Klarth wisely ignored her, turning to address Cless, Mint, and the crew, his face red with embarrassment. Trying to save face, he dusted himself off, glanced around at the crew, and made another flourish. "That's never happened before… Allow me to try again. **AHEM**… UNDINE!"

Again, there was nothing but the silence of the waves. Klarth looked down to make sure he wasn't in another one of those dreams where you realize you're in your underwear. That possibility accounted for, embarrassment turned to anger.

"Damn it, I don't understand it! Why isn't she coming!" He threw the tome down in disgust and raised his hands. "I can't be getting her name wrong, I'm not tired, I've summoned her a thousand times before… UNDINE!" He screamed, at the top of his lungs. "UNDINE! UNDINE! UNNNNNNDIIIIIIINE!" His face was beginning to get awfully red, and he finally ceased, huffing and puffing, putting one hand to his forehead and brushing the sweat from his eyes.

That was when he noticed that something was missing.

"One… two… three… four… …four… four… I thought I had six rings of contract… Luna, Maxwell, Ifrit, Gnome, Undine, and Sylph… Where the devil is Sylph? And…" Klarth swung his other hand into his view and looked at the rings on his fingers, confirming his suspicion. "Undine! Where the HELL is Undine's ring of contract!" He flew into a rage and checked his pockets, his hat, his pants, frantically waving his hands all over his body, before jumping up and down.

Arche nudged Mint and winked all-knowingly, even as Cless walked over to Klarth and got down on his hands and knees, thinking the rings might be on the deck somewhere.

"I don't see it, Klarth…"

"THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S NOT HERE!" The summoner, angrier and less in control than Cless had ever seen, whirled around and pointed a finger at the crew. YOU SAILORS DIDN'T STEAL IT, DID YOU? IT'S WORTH A FORTUNE! IT…"

The captain stepped forward, removing his hat.

"Calm down, Mr. Lester. We didn't steal your ring… My sailors are honest men. Maybe you left it at the inn you stayed at. Looks like you'll get a chance to check… That storm's even closer now. We have to return to port."

"Damnable hell! Another storm? If I had Sylph at my disposal, we wouldn't have to worry about it in the short-term! Where the heck did the rings go? Cless, check the food sack, check the backpacks… we're going to check it all!" He stormed off towards the below-decks, turning curtly to look at Arche and Mint, the former of which was smiling innocently, the latter of which was eyeing Arche with a hint of concern. "Ladies, let me know when we get back to Venezzia!"

"Woohoo! We can attend the wedding if we get back before tomorrow!" Arche cheered, giving Klarth a mock salute.

Klarth ignored her for a second time, intent on inspecting the ship's cargo hold, slamming the door that led below-decks behind him, cursing all the while. Strategically, Mint didn't even bother to tell Klarth not to use such language. His was simply beyond help at this point.

"Klarth, wait! Calm down!" Cless groaned, chasing after him, casting a glance of apology Mint's way. Another door slam was followed by a third, as the captain charged after them, hoping to cool Klarth's temper.

Mint and Arche were left alone on deck, and Arche turned to her friend with a smile that held just a hint of whimsy. The sea breeze tugged lightly at both of their hairstyles. "I guess I picked the wrong two rings to lend to Elwyn and Nancy for the ceremony, huh? I could've sworn that the blue one was Ifrit…" Arche's smile grew wider, until she was grinning broadly.

Mint shook her head, but she was smiling. "Arche… I don't know if that was a very nice thing you did, or a very wrong thing… It is good that they'll have rings to use until the new ones they ordered arrive, but… still… Klarth's rings…"

Arche reached up and patted Mint on the shoulder, grinning broadly at her taller companion.

"It'll be okay! I dragged you to the party, now you can drag me to the wedding! You'll have to show me how to act and things… will there be food? Drinks?" The witch glanced back at the sea, before fixing Mint with an amorous glare that flustered the healer, which was Arche's intent. "Boys?"

Mint blinked, unsure of how to respond, before uncharacteristically patting Arche on the back.

"I think you're going to have more fun at the reception afterwards, Arche… Promise me you won't do anything drastic while you're there? I don't want to chase you around again…"

THE END


End file.
